Dating ex Netflix

Back with the Ex is now streaming on Netflix, and the Australian dating show that reunites couples for a second chance at their relationships is sure to capture the heart of 90 Day Fiancé fans. 'Love Is Blind' is another Netflix dating show that has gone viral. The show follows 30 singles looking for love. On the 10-part series , the men and women attempt to find their forever partner ... If you couldn't get enough of Love Is Blind, then here's even more Netflix dating shows for you to get obsessed with. If you, like the rest of us, have been obsessing over Netflix's latest romance offering Love Is Blind and are now in the market for a new love, then we've got good news for you. The streaming platform has loads more reality dating shows in the archives. Back With The Ex dropped on Netflix some time ago, but of recent, fans have been talking about the show (in the Love is Blind aftermath) and asking where those couples are now. Netflix is a streaming service that offers a wide variety of award-winning TV shows, movies, anime, documentaries, and more on thousands of internet-connected devices. You can watch as much as you want, whenever you want without a single commercial – all for one low monthly price. Netflix Netflix. UNLIMITED TV SHOWS & MOVIES. TRY 30 DAYS FREE SIGN IN. ... Four singles have one chance to reignite romance with an ex -- or leave the past behind for good. Watch all you want for free. TRY 30 DAYS FREE. Videos Back with the Ex. Back With the Ex: Season 1 (Trailer) Episodes ... While hunting for a dating-site predator, an ... Netflix's Australian Dating Show 'Back with the Ex' Is Perfect Polar Vortex Viewing Can't tell if this is a beautiful idea or my literal worst nightmare (JK, it's the latter). By Leah Thomas Here are 12 of the best dating shows currently streaming on Netflix when you're looking for a night of romance. 73% of African Americans said they did not have ... 7 Back With the Ex.

I am 29 years old, make $170,000 base (plus $30-40,000 bonus and $30,000 vesting stock), live in Seattle and work as a Creative Project Manager in Tech

2020.09.22 17:51 LJWill91 I am 29 years old, make $170,000 base (plus $30-40,000 bonus and $30,000 vesting stock), live in Seattle and work as a Creative Project Manager in Tech

A little about me: I'm 29, British and Queer :) I moved from England to the US as part of a work transfer three years ago and love Seattle. My life has changed a lot over the past few years, I realized I was gay, moved to Seattle, stopped talking to my toxic mum, had a lotttttt of therapy and moved in with my partner, L. My financial knowledge has gone from 0-60 in the past three years thanks to personalfinance, a few finance books and moneydiariesactive. I'm an open book so ask any qs you'd like! I hope you enjoy!
Section One: Assets and Debt
Net Worth: $283,000
Retirement Balance:
401k $30,000
UK 401k $22,000
Index Funds $155,000
(Tip: I used the bankrate.com retirement calculator to figure out how much I actually need to invest for retirement each year. This really cleared up what I need to invest as a minimum each year to hit my retirement target, before I can decide what to live off and save for shorter term purchases e.g. a house.)
Equity if you're a homeowner:
$52,000 in an apartment in the UK (worth $275,000) that I’m selling right now. I bought it with my ex-boyfriend five years ago and loved living there at the time, but owning it since moving to the US has been a bad idea – it hasn’t gone up in value at all since I purchased in 2015, the rent my tenants pay doesn’t cover the mortgage and it requires lots of costly maintenance.
When I bought it, I received $12,000 towards a down payment from my mum. I have three brothers and I'm expecting brothers 2 and 3 to receive the same, but not brother 1, so I'm planning to give half of the $12,000 to him when the sale goes through.
Also, when I sell, I either owe $0, $15,000 or $30,000 to the US government as part of a tax law that assumes I've made profit because of changing exchange rates. Every accountant I speak to has a different answer, so let's see in January! At some point I'll use the rest of the money towards a down payment for a house in the US.
Savings account balance:
Emergency Fund $17,500
Holiday Fund $7,000
Fun Money $4500 (I might end up investing half of this in index funds)
Fund to cover capital gains tax for my 2020 tax bill $2029
Checking account balance:
I leave $1,500 per pay check in my account for living costs, plus enough to cover my rent and bills. I pay for all of my living costs on an Amex Delta credit card to get points and pay it off in full each month.
Credit card debt: $0
Student loan debt: $0. I completed a music degree in England (this cost $35,000 for three years of tuition, rent and living costs). My parents paid for my tuition, rent and 50% of my living costs, and I worked for them during the holidays to cover 50% of my living costs. Once I joined the working world, I realized how much of a big deal it was that they paid for my education and what a head start it gave me having no student debt. I am very grateful.
Anything else that’s applicable to you:
I had a privileged start, my parents paid for my education and I received $12,000 towards a house down payment. I graduated from University at 21, and whilst I have been financially independent since then, there is an emotional safety net that comes with knowing I could go home to my Dad if I needed to.
After working in England from 21-26, I moved to Seattle with $20,000 saved for retirement, $40,000 in my UK apartment and no other savings. My salary doubled moving to the US and as a result I’ve been able to save a lot over the past few years. A few years ago, my Dad suggested I read How To Own The World. It gave me a really great introduction to lots of different aspects of finance (inflation, saving, types of accounts, retirement etc) so I read a few other finance books, started following personalfinance and have had a massive shift in my attitude towards finances.
Section Two: Income and Income Progression
I graduated with a music degree aged 21 and decided that, although I loved music, I wasn't passionate enough to fight for a career in such a competitive field. Instead, I decided I'd like to explore a career that involved lots of people interaction and could pay well: sales. Since then I've ended up working in sales, marketing and engineering, all in tech.
- 2013 - $25,000 - I joined a tech company as a sales graduate selling Healthcare software. Direct selling wasn't a great match for my skillset.
- 2014 - $37,000 plus $30,000 in commission - After nine months, my manager suggested I moved to a technical sales role in the same company and I was given a $12,000 raise. I loved this role! Lots of presenting in formal sales processes.
- 2015 - $47,000 plus $30,000 bonus - After playing a major part in $3.5 million in sales in one year, I negotiated an additional $10,000.
- 2016 - $70,000 plus $30,000 bonus and a $5,000 stock award (vesting over 5 years) - I moved to a big tech company in a similar technical sales role and my salary jumped significantly.
- 2018 - $137,000 plus $30,000 bonus, an end of year $25,000 stock award (vesting over 5 years) and a one off $25,000 stock award for good performance (vesting over five years) - I relocated with the same company to the US in a marketing role and my salary doubled!
- 2019 - $160,000 plus $30,000 bonus and a $25,000 stock award (vesting over 5 years) - I took a new role in engineering as a Creative PM and my salary increased by 15%. A major driver for moving was being told promotions were off the table in my old team unless you had been in role for three years.
- 2020 - $170,000 plus $42,000 bonus and a $48,500 stock award (vesting over five years) - I was promoted in role and my salary increased.
It blows my mind that I earn this much money for a role that I enjoy so much. I'm very lucky.
Main Job Monthly Take Home: $8,500 per month, after maxing my 401k, contributing $510 to my HSA and healthcare/taxes etc.
Any Other Income:
Having received stock awards every year for the past 5 years, I now have stock vesting every year that adds up to about $30,000 pre-tax. I immediately sell and invest in diversified index funds via Vanguard to minimize the risk that would come with having a large amount of my savings in the same company that pays my paycheck (if the company tanks, I'd lose my job and the stock would plummet in value).
I also receive an annual bonus of between 15-30%. This year it was 27% (an amazing, unexpected surprise), it’s usually around 20%. Last year I invested 90% and spent 10% on a vacation to Japan. This year it was a lot higher, so I invested 66%, saved 21% for moving costs/vacations next Summer and kept the rest as a fun fund.
I also get $1050 in rent for my UK apartment, but the mortgage is $1150, so I make a loss.
Other:
My income is completely separate to my partner, L. We take turns paying for groceries/meals out/trips and assume it evens out to 50/50. Right now, I earn a lot more than L, who is a medical resident and earns about $100,000, with no student debt, but we both live off about the same amount per year as I'm focused so heavily on investing.
Section Three: Expenses
Rent and utilities: $1,300/month for my half of a two bed, two bath in Fremont. I moved in with L, last month and we split the rent 50/50. Previously my rent was $2060/month for an open one bed in the Capitol Hill.
Extra costs for UK mortgage/management company fees: $500
Investment/savings: Until this month, I was investing $2,000- $2,500. Now that I’ve reached my investment target for the year (a combination of my bonus, savings and vested stock), I’m re-routing that to a savings fund in a HYSA for next Summer. I’m planning to relocate to the East Coast with L, and hoping to take the summer off between jobs.
Donations: $130/month to Black Lives Matter, Save the Children, an LGBT charity in England and a COVID relief fund. These are also matched by my employer 100%.
Cellphone: $30 in a shared plan with some friends
Wifi: $60 Subscriptions: Netflix $15, Amazon $14, AppleCare $12
Regular therapy: $160/month for two sessions with my UK therapist and $180/session roughly every 2-3 weeks with my tantra coach.
Living: I budget $3000 per month for living, therapy and tantra.
COVID-19: In current COVID times in Seattle, cases are being managed well by the city, we are in phase 2 and can meet up with 5 people per week who aren't in our household network and can go to restaurants with people in our household.
Tuesday:
7am - Bonus day! I start to think about what to do with some of the money in my fun fund. On my wishlist: Glittery Dr Martens 🥾, a vacuum that also steams floors, everything on the Olive website and lift tickets for 🎿 over winter.
8am - Work work work work work 🎶 Every day starts with calls with my team in India to review their product configuration progress. My role focuses around writing product pitches/demonstrations that sellers will deliver to customers. My days are spent talking to sellers about common customer requests, writing narratives to present the value of the products and designing screens to be built by my engineers/consultants.
9am - I spend $50 on an Amazon order for 🧼,🧴and English 🍫.
12pm - I accidentally start a small kitchen fire heating some heat pads in L’s dutch oven. The fire department was involved🔥😭
2pm - I have a call with a design lead about potential roles in their team. I'd love to expand my skillset into videos and 🙋🏼‍♀️
3pm - Our Imperfect Foods box arrives. This week we got eggs, veggies, fruits, goats cheese and gnocchi. $25, but I paid for this last week.
5pm - I go for an early dinner with L at Manolin to celebrate my bonus/destress after the fire🍴🍷 Restaurants are open in Seattle at 50% capacity and everyone wears masks. I pay. $150
8pm - Listen to records with L 🎶 and fall asleep at 9.30.
Total: $200
Wednesday:
8am - More calls, more feedback, more unblocking the engineers👩🏼‍💻
10am - I FaceTime catch up with my Dad ❤️ He just bought a house in the English countryside with his partner, L, and he gives me more excited updates about how renovations are going.
2pm - I get some excellent feedback about yesterday’s call, the manager wants me in his team 🙌🏻
6pm - Vegetarian taco night and cocktails with L ❤️🌮
8pm - I order a replacement pan after destroying L’s. $198
8.30pm - We start watching Normal People 📺
Total: $198
Thursday:
10am - My youngest brother schedules his first therapy appointment! 🙌🏻 I have three brothers and two are at high school or university and aren’t working. I believe we would all benefit from therapy, so this year I offered to pay for both of them. Now all four of us have been at some point ❤️ $59
12pm - Fire fighting at work, trying to fix products that keep breaking in time to deliver product demos to sellers next week 🔥💻
3pm - I do a trial recording with my colleague for a broadcast next week. 🎥🎞 The broadcast goes out to somewhere between 250,000-1,000,000 people. The broadcast is usually in a studio, but because of covid we’re shooting at home this time.
5pm - L comes home with a cuuuute new haircut 💁🏻‍♀️ and a new burner ring for our stove after it was damaged in the 🔥. L pays.
7pm - We make pizzas 🍕 and talk about what time togetheco existing/apart looks like for each of us. Moving in together is big and it helps to understand what makes each other feel good/not so good. The conversation is emotional and really helpful.
Total: $59
Friday:
8am - I have a morning of calls with India/England/US agreeing next steps/fire fighting 🔥
11am - I reflect on how writing a money diary is making me feel guilty about spending money, even if my “normal” spending fits into my budget and my “fun” spending comes from my bonus. One to talk about in therapy I think.
4pm - Another busy afternoon jumping between calls. A good rehearsal for the broadcast ✔️ good feedback on our demo content ✔️ next week planned out in Outlook ✔️
5pm - I meet with my tantra coach for a two hour session. I originally started going to see them to learn more about sex (🙌🏻) but have learned that tantra is much bigger than that, it’s an eastern tradition that is centered around connecting with your heart and body and being present. It’s had a massive impact on my ability to get out of my head. Today we focused on simple body exercises to get me more connected to my body. $200
7pm - L started a 30 hour shift this morning so I have a solo date night ❤️ bath-time + Quorn chicken nugget wraps (I love eating in the bath 😆) + TikTok ✌🏻
Total: $200
Saturday:
8am - I wake up and listen to Jameela Jamil and Katherine Ryan in the iWeigh podcast.
9am - I meditate 🧘🏼‍♀️. I started meditating 3-7 times per week six months ago using the Headspace app and it was a great intro. I’ve been resisting meditating for the past two weeks, and going to see my tantra coach has given me the umph to start again today. I do 20 minutes unguided.
10am - L comes home from work and we catch up before they sleep 💤 I spend the day in the bath, reading The Untethered Soul, eating fake sausage patties, eggs and sautéed tomatoes on toast, on reddit, watching Normal People and napping 🛀📚
6pm - I see my two best friends, N&V, a queer couple in Seattle ❤️ they know how to make me feel loved and buy all of my favorite foods for dinner ❤️ I uber there and back wearing a mask. $30
Total: $30
Sunday:
10am - I spend the morning eating eggs, veggies and fake chorizo, reading The Untethered Soul and The Simple Path to Wealth in the bath, and meditating.
1pm - I FaceTime my Dad and his partner, L ❤️
2pm - L and I spend the afternoon watching Ratchet, snoozing and walking to Gas Works park to get some fresh air.
6.30pm - We cook veggie bolognese with gnocchi and have some quality time after a crazy month of shifts for L.
10pm - L crashes and I order a Dyson vacuum with some of my bonus money #thisis29. $385
Total: $385
Monday:
7am - I wake up and meditate🧘🏼‍♀️
8am - Catch up calls with the India team. I have a fairly slow morning after that, agreeing deliverables for the week with our team.
12pm - I make sweet potato tacos for lunch using up ingredients in the fridge 🙌🏻🌮
4pm - I do a recording for the broadcast on Wednesday. Oh hey there hair, makeup and formal work clothes, where have you been hiding? 💄
5.30pm - L and I listen to a Lake Street Dive concert online on the porch 🎵
7.30pm - L buys groceries and we head for a socially distanced picnic outside.
Total: $0
Food + Drink: $160
Fun / Entertainment: $0
Home + Health: $644
Clothes + Beauty: $40
Transport: $30
Other: $198
Weekly Total: $1072
Lastly, reflect on your diary!
Writing this diary was good for me! It made me see some of the small, happy moments that happen each day.
All in all, apart from the vacuum that I bought with my bonus, this is average spending for me. I'm very conscious of not spending more than $700/week. This means if I have more expensive days, like days when I have to pay for therapy or tantra, I'll make sure I balance it out on other days.
I feel incredibly lucky that I have a high salary that gives me an incredibly good quality of life and enables me to save for the future. I have an "it's too good to be true" fear, so I'm focused on investing a lot right now to set myself up long term.
submitted by LJWill91 to MoneyDiariesACTIVE [link] [comments]


2020.09.22 16:02 gopenn2010 A 25 year old Senior Accountant making $71,000 in New York City spends money on Bumble premium.

Here is my week from 9/14-9/20, all masked up.
*mental health, body image and food discussed\*
Section One: Assets and Debt Use this section to explain your current financial picture at large.
Section Two: Income
Main Job Monthly Current Take Home:
Any Other Monthly Income Here
Section Three: Expenses
Section Four: The nitty gritty
Monday:
8:30AM: I wake up and make coffee out of my two year old coffee maker. I use trader joe’s light roast ground coffee. I finish the last of the oat milk. I need to pick up more milk/milk substitute.
9:00AM: Work. I can’t tell if I’m rested or not. I woke up in a panic around 3 AM two nights in a row. It’s probably my period hormones. I’m also wearing bikini bottoms as underwear.
11:30AM: Leftover chicken and couscous that I made last night. Fried some chilis in oil and added a runny egg on top.
5:00PM: Do I dare nip out and pick up some milk? I do it and bring my work phone. Almond breeze is on sale for $3.99.
6:00PM: I am technically not on a client today, so I sign off.
6:30PM: Dinner is frozen trader joe’s meatballs and asparagus and some noodles I found in my fridge. I really, really love trader joe’s. Their wine store should have a punch card. One free bottle every ten bottles purchased. I have a glass of sonoma valley chardonnay.
7:30PM: I drop to the mat and do 50 reps on each side of my favorite abs, legs/glutes and arms moves. Accouterments include resistance bands and free weights. Takes about 30 minutes.
8:30PM: Someone asks me out for Thursday. I text back yes. While we’re on this dating topic, have you noticed that Bumble removed their two free advanced filters? I cave and get the lifetime premium version. $149.99. I don’t think I’ll disclose what two filters I care about, but feel free to guess and judge. laughing crying emoji
Tuesday:
9:00AM: Cold snap last night, and my forgiving bed is oh so forgiving.
9:30AM: Coffee with almond milk and work. But first, I order tea tree oil from amazon with a gift card. $9.00 It’s my antiseptic of choice (diluted) when something isn’t severe enough for neosporin.
12:30PM Lunch is chicken and couscous again. Today I add parm to the whole mess.
3:00PM Stretch break. I drink water and eat strawberries. Is health and wellness my passion now?
5:00PM Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. Time for BBQ salmon and asparagus. Also time for wine. I shoot a quick email even though it’s annoying to be emailing after 5pm.
7:30PM I half heartedly workout but I’m a little distracted. My friend got stood up by a first date today. I was skeptical about this prospective date, but I’m glad my friend didn’t waste any more time on this person. Better luck next time!
10:00PM Bedtime. Asparagus makes my pee smell weird.
Wednesday:
8:30AM: Up and at them. Coffee with almond milk in hand.
9:00AM: I moved up today’s first meeting so that I can…
9:30AM: ...also attend a second meeting for another team.
1:00PM: Third meeting of the day. I’m basically late because I got distracted making a flowchart of first date protocols. I guess my friend getting stood up yesterday really ticked me off. The flowchart walks you through everything from matching to walking into your first date venue. My neurosis has no bounds. The flowchart is shared in the group chat. I eat lunch.
2:00PM: I signed up for a professional organization talk on epidemiology. The registration fee is $25 but the firm will pay for it.
3:30PM: Trading desk calls me and I accidentally hang up the first time because I didn’t save their number. I call back and work ensues. I thank him for calling and he says it’s nice to talk on the phone now (wfh problems). I say that it’s better than mumbling to yourself which I do nowadays. We laugh.
4:00PM: A different friend refuses to cut things off with an awful ex. She has previously admitted she is terrified of being alone. I beg her to focus on studying for her certs. She’s a grown woman with a full time job and volunteering hours. She doesn’t work for Teaching A Grown Man How to Act, Incorporated. I offer to slap her for free, friends and family discount.
6:00PM: It is time to venture out and get some vegetables. I have one more serving of asparagus, but I just can’t. Can’t. Not tonight. I buy four small tomatoes on the vine, one large green bell pepper and one jumbo eggplant. $4.59
6:30PM: Dinner is the remaining trader joe’s turkey meatballs and roasted eggplant. I don’t know what liquid smoke is (lol a chemical) but it makes the smoked paprika smell SO good. Also a glass of wine. The chardonnay is now kicked.
9:00PM: Early bedtime.
Thursday:
9:00AM: And my friend (birthday girl) invites me to go to the Hamptons with her and three others this weekend. It is technically a kidnapping since they’re whisking the girl clowning over her ex out of the city so she physically cannot go see him. I have such intense FOMO I can feel my eye twitching. One of the few blessings of wfh. Birthday girl is doing remote law school with Cornell and Clown girl is taking a firm sabbatical to study. And I suppose I shall wither away in my apartment - Whiny girl. There are too many variables for me to be comfortable going (people and location wise), and I don’t want to be holding everyone back or bringing people down. A friendship that insists upon agreement on all things is not worth its name.
2:00PM: Eating leftover meatballs and eggplant. Got a surprise email that I’ve been awarded a monetary performance bonus. This could be in increments of a couple hundred dollars up to maybe a thousand. I’ve received 2 grand this year. (Not included in the salary above, but I utilize it as part of my salary since it’s a known fact my line of work is underpaid compared to industry.)
4:00PM: Date asks to reschedule for tomorrow. Apologizes profusely but I’m annoyed...maybe? To be completely honest, I’m too giddy over the surprise $600 to be anything but :p!
6:00PM: I heat up chicken shumai and have a tomato. I can’t explain my meals today.
7:00PM: Seltzer, strawberries and raw thai chilis. It’s a virgin cocktail! With a bite.
7:30PM: Workout time! I have my favorite videos for abs and lower body. Arms and shoulders are the bane of my existence, but that’s when I use the free weights and just count reps as I watch Netflix.
10:00PM: I fall asleep rewatching old episodes of Madam Secretary. Ah, to imagine a parallel universe...
Friday:
9:00AM: Today is payday. I check and see that my 401k max deduction has kicked in. Guess who now has a bi weekly take home of ~700? This girl. I’ll be close to my max contribution by 12/31. I don’t have many feelings about it, since math wise it’s just a rebalancing between my checking and retirement and a bit of tax deferral. However, This does mean that next I have to keep an eye on interest rates and get firm pre-approval for HYSAs that I’m interested in. Independence is paramount but sucky. Please leave your recommendations below! I’ll check to see if I’m able to open an account with them. Fingers crossed interest rates recover by next year.
12:30PM: Work is slow today. I heat up the rest of the chicken shumai and roast another batch of eggplant. Since I’m already there, I make another batch of chicken/tomato/couscous/parm. This will be dinner and probably lunch at some point.
*Fridge report: we now have one tomato and one green bell pepper left! I am very good with my protein, fat and fiber. But I struggle with adding carbs because I used to count macros in my “dua lipa is my religion” phase in school. Have you seen her arms? Her abs? Her voice? I made it to 130 lbs but it wasn’t sustainable since my natural state is around 120 lbs. I was eating peanut butter at midnight just to make my goals. And there were never enough carbs or sugar allotted for the day, so I became very stingy with them. Now I remind myself that at least one meal a day has to have some sort of rice, couscous, pasta, potato or farro base. Still not a fan of sugar. Dessert, in my opinion, is a wellness/mental health/social thing. Not really a part of my food pyramid since I get enough sugar from my fruit and vegetables. *
7:00PM: I walk to my date. It is so windy by the water that the menu is torn from the laminate and I watch as the next table’s burrata rolls off their plate. Date walks me home.
9:00PM: I group facetime with my college friends. We debrief on a weekly basis. The Seattle engineer sends us a link of a 25 year old Youtuber closing on a place in Palm Springs and how much she spent in a week. $400 on plants!? The one in med school invites us to come visit, although she warns that her rotations take up the bulk of her time. The civil engineer in LA brainstorms ways to get out of chit chatting with her housemates when she gets home. I do an OOTD of my old reformation dress that I wore that day.
Saturday:
9:00AM: I have a headache. Might have been the wind last night or the fact that I kept my bedroom window wide open. I read emails in bed. No work fires. I think about Ruth Bader Ginsburg. What an exceptional woman. There is no room for mediocre women in the world, but so much room for mediocre men.
12:00PM: I get up. Chug water, coffee and take Advil. The day will come when this post hangover checklist no longer works. I pick up large brown eggs on sale for $2.99, Eggos - two boxes on sale for $4 and two packs of ramen. Total: $11. I eat my eggos with butter and honey. I glance at the nutrient breakdown - it’s almost real food. I clean the apartment.
6:30PM: I call my parents. Mom rambles on about orchids and my dad asks whether or not you could get addicted to workout endorphins. I send my dad a couple of medical journals with contradicting opinions. That’ll keep him occupied for the night.
7:30PM: I put on a jacket and meet my date. I’m still wearing the same dress. Have you seen the Netflix show, Dating Around? There’s live music at the venue. The server shows us exactly how they want us to sit so we’re far enough from the other outdoor diners. It is cold. I ponder on how well the 25% indoor capacity will work come 9/30.
10:30PM: Bedtime.
Sunday:
10:00AM: I get up and respond to texts. I feel so lame compared to some of my friends. How are people awake at 2AM? It throws off the next day for me. I take my multivitamins and brush my teeth with my troll’s toothbrush. (Kid toothbrushes are smaller and they’re easier on my gums.) Am I both a child and grandmother in a singular flesh prison?
1PM: Scavenge my own leftovers. I will have to do another big food shop next week. I usually spend $100 every two weeks on groceries. It is strategic. Think staples of frozen chicken tenderloin, seafood, veggies and fruit. I usually have two types of liquor and either wine/hard seltzer on hand. My alcohol budget is $100/month.
2:30PM: I order shampoo from Amazon with my gift card. What shampoos do you like? I got the Ren Pure biotin and collagen one, a staple since school. No sodium chloride, sulfates or dyes. Very bland packaging, just the way I like it. (*$7 for 32oz.) I have stubborn hair. She wears me - I don’t style her.
6:00PM: I head to my date downtown. We walk the dog. Talk about pet insurance.
10:00PM: I mentally go through my work checklist for the upcoming week as I wind down. I sleep better when I can visualize what is ahead. Uncertainty is not exciting for me, although I dare say learning to manage uncertainty will be one of my major plot lines in this lifetime.
Week breakdown:
Food + Drink : $19.6
Fun / Entertainment : $150
Home + Health: $10(gift card)
Clothes + Beauty: $7.6 (gift card)
Transport: prepaid metro card $0
Other: My monthly home expenses were also charged this week. Please see above. ~$150
Initial thoughts:
I am so excited. It’s not every day I allow myself to fight with strangers on the internet. But now that I am the subject matter, takes earrings off
Final thoughts:
This was a standard week for me. I enjoy the pendulum metaphor, where you don’t try to pit priorities against each other or try to cover all bases all the time, but try to swing back and forth as needed. Some weeks are work heavy, some weeks are dedicated to family or friends, some weeks I’m helping with firm volunteer targets. It is a privilege to be able to swing back and forth without consequence. I also received confirmation from NY Division of Housing that my apartment is in fact rent stabilized. I also see the rent charged for tenants dating back to 1990. This is fascinating.
Breakdown:
Friendship time: 1.5 hr facetime. 1 hr phone call.
Dating time: Three evenings.
Family time: 2 phone calls.
Education time: 1 professional talk, half a book. The book had a sensitive subject matter that still lingers, albeit negatively, in my mind.
Career time: Standard. Positively recognized.
Social justice/Volunteer time: Lacking this week. I would like to donate something in memory of RBG, please recommend? Doesn’t have to be political, but female empowerment would be nice.
All in all, good hustle out there! Grab an orange slice, walk it off. Onto the next.
submitted by gopenn2010 to MoneyDiariesACTIVE [link] [comments]


2020.09.22 13:42 LonelyAirport8833 I (17F) think that my ex-without-closure (17M) might have feelings for me again, and I'm not sure how to proceed.

To begin with, I never really got over him. I tell myself that I've moved on, but I know that I most definitely haven't. Every significant date - the day he told me he liked me, the day he asked me out, the day we were supposed to go on our first and only date - is locked inside my brain. I think of him all the time, and I still cry about him from time to time. When I see him at school, I don't feel nervous or self-conscious, I just feel happy to see him. The sight of him makes me happy.
I call him my "ex-without-closure", because we never officially dated, but what we had was as good as a long-term relationship. We hung out all the time, we sent each other memes and posts, we had goofy conversations, we shared secrets, we laughed and laughed and maybe even loved. We did everything anyone in a long-term relationship would do, except for have sex. We never even kissed.
It's been almost a year since we had a fight, over something he did that broke my trust. In my distress, I cut him off then and there. We spent several months without any contact. I thought about him every day, and I cried and cried over it all the time. Eventually (a few months ago), we were both invited to the same party, and we talked. He gave the most sincere apology for what he had done. But by the sounds of it, he had moved on. He already liked someone else, and they were hanging out a fair bit, too. Our close mutual friends kept telling me that they were certain she was just his rebound, but I didn't know. So I tried to get over it.
But as I said before, I never did. It's been several months since then, and we are friends again. Obviously, it's not the same as before. But lately, it's started to feel the same. The way he smiles when he sees me looks the same way he smiled last year. He's started to give me hugs goodbye, and when he gives them, they're a little longer, tighter, and closer than what he seems to give others. Sometimes he messages me, but not too often. He lives thirty minutes away from me, but he catches the train to my station every day after school and drives home from there, insisting that it's just "easier that way".
Unfortunately, I know that I tend to misread situations, exaggerate things, and generally get the wrong message. Maybe he's just being friendly - after all, he is a generally friendly person. I asked him last week if he still likes the other girl, and his mood significantly dropped. He said that he doesn't have a "crush", but he likes her more than others, and then he asked me if I liked anyone. But then he invites me to come over to his place, to go to the beach with him. He offers to drive me places, and he pays for my Netflix that I always forget to do.
The thing is, if it turns out that he does have feelings for me again, I don't know what I would do. I understand that I'm only 17, but I feel like I've been lucky enough to meet someone that most people don't meet till much later in life. We don't get along perfectly, but that imperfection is what has helped us to grow as people. We are not completely identical, we merely balance each other out. But that mere balance is something amazing. No one has ever understood me as well as he has. No one has ever loved me (whether it was platonic, or more) like he has. I am intense, I can be exhausting, I am emotional and frustrating. I am someone you have to deal and put up with, but he doesn't see me that way.
In spite of all that, I worry about our generally conflicting views on life. Over the past year, I have left the Church. He's grown more attached to it. I've become open to the idea of having sex before marriage. He's not fond of that. I care deeply about the social issues of the world, such as BLM, same-sex marriage, the upcoming election. He's not that stressed about it, and he knows little about those issues.
TL;DR I am at a loss at what to do. I'm too afraid to ask him if he has feelings for me again, because if he doesn't, that might ruin the friendship we rebuilt. And even if it turns out that he feels the same way again, I wouldn't know what to do. Do you think that he has feelings for me once again? What do you think I should do about it?
submitted by LonelyAirport8833 to relationship_advice [link] [comments]


2020.09.22 12:15 Unlikely_Pea_3151 I (22M) think that Women/Girls are conditioned to be terrified of turning 30.

Hey guys, I only recently turned 22 as of last month. Sucks I couldn't totally live up my 21st because of the pandemic but oh well. What I wanted to do was give some perspective from a young male (very immature) who is hearing his friends at 20-24 freaking out about getting "old". And it seemed really concerning to me that women have this pressure to remain youthful by the media etc. Especially in order to attract men (Yes I realise women can have different partners of different genders. And as I respect all genders and sexual orientations, I am just talking about in respect to male partners as I am a male). I had a chat to my now 25 year old sister about this and she confirmed the same concerns. I know this is obviously old news to many girls and women, but I've only now just heard the concerns from my high school/childhood friends.

Only 2 nights ago I had to console one of my close friends in tears. Lets call her Jane. Now since I've known Jane at 18, she's always been the one to cry or vomit or both after a few drinks. Usually she'd just be crying for stupid things like Justin Bieber getting married and was just being silly. But this time it was different, I could sense it and I can tell when something is off with her. After taking this crying seriously for the first time, I asked her why she was crying. To my shock it was because she's turning 24 this year and is freaking out about "not being as hot". Jesus Christ how we have socialised young girls and women in general is fucking horrendous. But I want to touch on that later and I know I'm very much preaching to the choir. Me being a complete idiot I kept saying "dude you're still hot, you're always gonna be hot"... I know right, I'm a real Dr Phil. lmao. Although my drunk 22 year old ass could only support her with the words of a guy with 0 eloquence when intoxicated, I actually thought I made a good point that not enough average men and especially young men don't speak up about.

When she finally calmed down she opened up about hearing that 21 is womens peak attractiveness etc etc and how she's terrified of being "old" and "gross" at 30. I was honestly even more horrified. I mean firstly 30 year olds are fucking hot, like I don't care what age you are (obviously of legal age) if you are hot, you are hot. Like thats just how it is with myself and especially my circle of friends being men (aged 18-24). How long you've been alive doesn't nullify the fact that you're attractive. if you're hot, men are going to find you hot. And on that note how the fuck is 30 old? The media are a bunch of fucking evil assholes who want to stress you out about being 30, they want you to keep reading, to buy anti ageing products, to go low Carb to slow ageing. They promote studies that show that women peak at 21 in attractiveness. But leave out the fact that we are humans and what we find attractive are multifactorial and vary like crazy. So any girls here who think they've passed their peak at 18 or at 21. You haven't. You're peaking until you fucking take your last breath. Also your looks are not your most important asset. You decide what your assets are. Thats for all people men, women, non binary etc. All of you are full of potential and deserve love. You should be comfortable in your skin, but also never stop improving yourself. Personally, I treat life like a project. I'm constantly tweaking myself like a 80 year long DIY project. Also stop reading major publications and think they are looking out for your interests. The Murdoch Press is fucking disgraceful. And are THE enemy of mental health and wellbeing in the west.
Now I guess many girls and women will be wondering what the real consensus is on which age group is the "hottest" in the opinion of a man(Yeah I know right my opinion is very important). Heres your answer. All of them and none of them. But let me get more specific.
I'm about to be very objective here. Let's say looks mean everything for a second (which they don't). And lets say men are exclusively into girls for their looks (they arent, but yes we are visual creatures and fertility is important to us). Good genetics and lifestyle as well as personality will always beat youth overall for men finding women attractive. If you were gorgeous at 18, at 21, at 25. With the expectation you keep fit and healthy (which really should be compulsory for everyone to eat well and exercise). Guess what? you'll be gorgeous at 28, at 30, at 35 etc. Bone structure, bilateral symmetry, genetics. these things make girls objectively beautiful. And thats all well and good. But its only a small piece of the puzzle. Lets also remember, you can be young and look like garbage as well. And be old and look like garbage as well.
I think heres a story that might put my opinion is better context.
I think there are a lot of pathetic guys out there that try to peddle the idea that women fall apart at 30. They usually resent women in their teens and 20s and assume that they'll get their revenge at 30. I am not one of them and although I have had quite a lot of success, proceeded and followed by a lot more failure with my attempts at sleeping with girls, I don't blame many of them for not wanting to fuck me. Like honestly I wouldn't fuck me either.
Women definitely do not fall apart in their 30s. Do they get older, I mean yeah you cant fight biology, but do they ugly at 30? Fuck no. All you beautiful girls reading this shit right now, you aren't going to suddenly look like a dogs dinner at 30. I'll give you an example. My ex girlfriends older sister was 25 when I met her (I was 17), lets call her Kate. And holy shit she had to be hottest woman I had ever met (sorry ex girl). Aggressive, Croatian, beautiful, tall, sharp eyes (I always say you can tell someones intelligence by their eyes and how they move) , brutally witty and brilliant, vicious sense of humour and a body that is actually insane. But you know what made her most attractive to me, her attitude, how she carried herself. Yes she was already objectively gorgeous, but she could've been considerably less physically good looking and I'd still go crazy for her. She's 30 now. And spoilers, she's still fucking hot holy shit. I came across her at a hospital that I was visiting as a software consultant (Btw we need more women in IT), she always had this intensity to her that made me literally drunk when i'd be around her. She called my name out as I was sort of awkwardly taking quick glances at her from over the counter whilst trying to explain to the VP of technology what a GUI was... He needs a new job.I think she always knew I was infatuated with her. She always had this way to make me embarrass myself around her and as she's gotten even smarter and mature at 30. I distinctly remember at 17 she made me go red when she asked what bikini she should wear I would always stumble over my words with her.
Back to the story: She asked what I was doing at the hospital and I put on my most mature demeanour , did my Alex Turner from 2013 voice and explained to her my role as a software consultant. I was wearing this awkward suit that I had bought the day before (I should've gotten my dad to come with me to help). And by acting mature, I thought in my head that this would make her take me more seriously. She replied "aww and you look so handsome now as well" she smiled with some menace, there was a power in-balance and I really had to get back to work as I felt my knees giving out. As I was attempting to exit the conversation she brought up my guitar playing as I was a musician professionally for a couple years. I let her know that I still play but I couldn't handle the rough hours and low pay that it entailed. She replied "Aww shame, I always thought I'd marry a musician". I almost fucking vomited with butterflies by that point. As I walked away smiling her eyes just followed me all the way back to my area until her coworker asked who I was. I didn't hear the rest of the convo. This was about 2 months ago. COVID was off the hook in my state back then. She has a fiance now (lucky bastard) and she's a Pharmacy researcher at the hospital, she has her phd in chemistry. She's a fucking badass and honestly I'd cut 3 fingers off to go on a date with that woman. For me women can have a certain presence or "vibe" for my fellow zoomers. Never-mind that, people of all genders can have that presence.
Theres a difference between a woman and the late teens, early 20s girls. Its competence, it's confidence, success, maturity, god Idk what it is. But jesus christ I honestly think I'm in love with that woman but she's out of my league in any category. Yeah she's my Ex girlfriends sister, but my ex isnt on my mind anymore, even after she broke my heart after a 4 year high school relationship, I still think Kate getting engaged hurt more.

So I hope that sort of helps. Numbered ages are arbitrary anyway. I know people who began getting wrinkles on their forehead before school finished. I saw guys go bald before 22. I'm actually going grey at 22 thanks to my mums side of the family but to my delight, her entire side of her family that are men, all had full heads of hair into their senior years. So I will take grey hairs thank you very much. People age at different rates and its all just genetic shit. Chronological ages dont line up as well to biological age as science first thought. We know there are lifestyle methods that can slow damage down or even prevent etc. But at 24 I don't know why my friend Jane would be too worried about ageing taking away her good looks.
I've slept with girls that are objectively said to be more attractive by some bullshit quantitive survey, like one girl who honestly was someone I use to drool over on instagram since I was a kid. As we were taking off each others clothes off, felt like I had hit a milestone in my life, sleeping with this "perfect" girl and Guess what, she was 21 at the time (now 22), apparently her "peak" of attractiveness and yeah she was/is hot but, if Kate walked into the room, at 30 (which is not fucking old) and asked if I wanted to have sex with her instead. I mean, I'm going for Kate. Though I'd probably go vagal (Medical joke for medical professionals, I'm not a medical professional). Meaning I'd faint just incase someone doesn't get it.
After sleeping with this girl let's call her Darcy which is her actual first name. I didn't really feel attracted to her other than objectively, and once we had sex, she didn't have the confidence or the character that drew me to other people. She wasn't particularly interesting, she talked about what alcohol she likes to drink and why her friends are so lame, gossip and really just things I wasn't ever going to be interested in. Our interests didn't align and personality wise she just wasn't someone I think I could even be friends with. And I honestly felt like all those years fantasising about this girl that I would see on instagram and a few time at clubs with mutual friends. The hours of instagram dms trying to be as charming as I could, meeting up with her at bars, playing a character of confidence so she would find me attractive. Eventually seducing her. It didn't mean shit. There was no stage, no curtains opening and trumpets sounding as I received my certificate of having sex with a girl I'd been crushing on for 4 years. There wasn't anything really.

I left her parents house and I didn't tell my mates because I almost felt mislead by my penis. Also I knew my mates would never believe me if i told them. I had actually called her in the morning and left a voicemail letting her know that I think she's a great person but I need to figure out my shit before even doing something casual. Which was the truth. I really didn't know what to feel then. I felt like the last 4 years was an illusion almost just fantasising about sleeping with her, it seemed like a waste of time at that point. My mates did find out the following day as Darcy turned up at my house with a blanket and some snacks for a Netflix and Chill that we "definitely" planned the previous night. I was mortified. House was not in order as I have ADHD and its a mission to keep my house organised. I am also not that good looking so I was confused as to why she liked me so much. I thought I struck out lucky once and that was the end of it. I was completely honest with her and let her know where I was in our newly complicated relationship and she said she heard my voicemail and respected my decision. With myself being mentally weak it only took her in some gooseberry intimates (which were literally see through so whats the point) to break the deal of being platonic. I felt that she manipulated me sexually, but how does one complain about this stunning girl using your own base drive against you. "Boohoo... This blonde bombshell just manipulated me breaking into my commitment to remain platonic." After that I told her not to come around anymore and just to be friends. 6 months since then and she still invites me over. What confuses me to this day is I don't see myself as very attractive, so I was confused as to why this happened. But I digress.
Yes Darcy is fucking like an actual work of art, but my attraction was one dimensional. And even the girls that people find the most "stunning" have wrinkles and uneven skin tone, stretch marks etc. She had all that. Which are human signs of imperfection. But so what? Like really, those things don't bother the men you want to sleep with either. That is, if we are talking about looking attractive to men anyway. I've learnt from my sister that girls and women don't just want to look good for prospective partners, but for self expression, self confidence and also its really "none of my business" as she put it. Which is fair enough and I'm glad I learnt that before acting like I know a lot about women because I'm clueless in all senses.
What I've learnt is beauty is overrated, sex is great, but its overrated. People are underrated. Intelligence is underrated, experience is not appreciated, success can be sexist, people don't appreciate things until its too late. Women, can be fucking incredible. Women can also be fucking crazy. Men can be incredible. Men can also be fucking crazy. This includes every gender, every race, every specie on this planet. But humans are more than just flesh and bone. We are fascinating, binary breaking, spectrum sitting, war waging, oppression fighting, dreamers. And to take anyone at face value is a huge disservice to what a human is. Humans are not great because of what we look like. We are great because of what we do. And that my friends is the takeaway. To everyone freaking out about turning 30. You're gonna be fine, i was told your 30s is like your glow-up period of your 20s. You'll be wiser, richer, more respected, smarter, more educated and start to realise that looks are arbitrary bullshit that is only part of the puzzle and you'll still be attractive. Look after yourself and your 30s will look after you. Once again this is a 22 year old male's perspective on women getting older. I might get flamed for something I say but I recognise that I'm not perfect and I'm willing to learn. I really don't know a lot about the world yet as i'm still young and stupid but I wanted to provide a bit of realism to the fears of many young beautiful souls out there.
submitted by Unlikely_Pea_3151 to offmychest [link] [comments]


2020.09.22 12:11 Unlikely_Pea_3151 Women/Girls are terrified of turning 30 and I (22M) wanted to give some perspective from the opposite sex.

Hey guys, I only recently turned 22 as of last month. Sucks I couldn't totally live up my 21st because of the pandemic but oh well. What I wanted to do was give some perspective from a young male (very immature) who is hearing his friends at 20-24 freaking out about getting "old". And it seemed really concerning to me that women have this pressure to remain youthful by the media etc. Especially in order to attract men (Yes I realise women can have different partners of different genders. And as I respect all genders and sexual orientations, I am just talking about in respect to male partners as I am a male). I had a chat to my now 25 year old sister about this and she confirmed the same concerns. I know this is obviously old news to many girls and women, but I've only now just heard the concerns from my high school/childhood friends.

Only 2 nights ago I had to console one of my close friends in tears. Lets call her Jane. Now since I've known Jane at 18, she's always been the one to cry or vomit or both after a few drinks. Usually she'd just be crying for stupid things like Justin Bieber getting married and was just being silly. But this time it was different, I could sense it and I can tell when something is off with her. After taking this crying seriously for the first time, I asked her why she was crying. To my shock it was because she's turning 24 this year and is freaking out about "not being as hot" and "no guy will want me". Jesus Christ how we have socialised young girls and women in general is fucking horrendous. But I want to touch on that later and I know I'm very much preaching to the choir. Me being a complete idiot I kept saying "dude you're still hot, you're always gonna be hot"... I know right, I'm a real Dr Phil. lmao. Although my drunk 22 year old ass could only support her with the words of a guy with 0 eloquence when intoxicated, I actually thought I made a good point that not enough average men and especially young men don't speak up about.

When she finally calmed down she opened up about hearing that 21 is womens peak attractiveness etc etc and how she's terrified of being "old" and "gross" at 30. I was honestly even more horrified. I mean firstly 30 year olds are fucking hot, like I don't care what age you are (obviously of legal age) if you are hot, you are hot. And women in their 30s are still fucking hot. Like thats just how it is with myself and especially my circle of friends being men (aged 18-24). How long you've been alive doesn't nullify the fact that you're attractive. if you're hot, men are going to find you hot. And on that note how the fuck is 30 old?
The media are a bunch of fucking evil assholes who want to stress you out about being 30, they want you to keep reading, to buy anti ageing products, to go low Carb to slow ageing. They promote studies that show that women peak at 21 in attractiveness. But leave out the fact that we are humans and what we find attractive are multifactorial and vary like crazy. So any girls here who think they've passed their peak at 18 or at 21. You haven't. You're peaking until you fucking take your last breath. Also your looks are not your most important asset. You decide what your assets are. Thats for all people men, women, non binary etc. All of you are full of potential and deserve love. You should be comfortable in your skin, but also never stop improving yourself. Personally, I treat life like a project. I'm constantly tweaking myself like a 80 year long DIY project. Also stop reading major publications and think they are looking out for your interests. The Murdoch Press is fucking disgraceful. And are THE enemy of mental health and wellbeing in the west.
Now I guess many girls and women will be wondering what the real consensus is on which age group is the "hottest" in the opinion of a man(Yeah I know right my opinion is very important). Heres your answer. All of them and none of them. But let me get more specific.
I'm about to be very objective here. Let's say looks mean everything for a second (which they don't). And lets say men are exclusively into girls for their looks (they arent, but yes we are visual creatures and fertility is important to us). Good genetics and lifestyle as well as personality will always beat youth overall for men finding women attractive. If you were gorgeous at 18, at 21, at 25. With the expectation you keep fit and healthy (which really should be compulsory for everyone to eat well and exercise). Guess what? you'll be gorgeous at 28, at 30, at 35 etc. Bone structure, bilateral symmetry, genetics. these things make girls objectively beautiful. And thats all well and good. But its only a small piece of the puzzle. Lets also remember, you can be young and look like garbage as well. And be old and look like garbage as well.
I think heres a story that might put my opinion is better context.
I think there are a lot of pathetic guys out there that try to peddle the idea that women fall apart at 30. They usually resent women in their teens and 20s and assume that they'll get their revenge at 30. I am not one of them and although I have had quite a lot of success, proceeded and followed by a lot more failure with my attempts at sleeping with girls, I don't blame many of them for not wanting to fuck me. Like honestly I wouldn't fuck me either.
Women definitely do not fall apart in their 30s. Do they get older, I mean yeah you cant fight biology, but do they ugly at 30? Fuck no. All you beautiful girls reading this shit right now, you aren't going to suddenly look like a dogs dinner at 30. I'll give you an example. My ex girlfriends older sister was 25 when I met her (I was 17), lets call her Kate. And holy shit she had to be hottest woman I had ever met (sorry ex girl). Aggressive, Croatian, beautiful, tall, sharp eyes (I always say you can tell someones intelligence by their eyes and how they move) , brutally witty and brilliant, vicious sense of humour and a body that is actually insane. But you know what made her most attractive to me, her attitude, how she carried herself. Yes she was already objectively gorgeous, but she could've been considerably less physically good looking and I'd still go crazy for her. She's 30 now. And spoilers, she's still fucking hot holy shit. I came across her at a hospital that I was visiting as a software consultant (Btw we need more women in IT), she always had this intensity to her that made me literally drunk when i'd be around her. She called my name out as I was sort of awkwardly taking quick glances at her from over the counter whilst trying to explain to the VP of technology what a GUI was... He needs a new job.I think she always knew I was infatuated with her. She always had this way to make me embarrass myself around her and as she's gotten even smarter and mature at 30. I distinctly remember at 17 she made me go red when she asked what bikini she should wear I would always stumble over my words with her.
Back to the story: She asked what I was doing at the hospital and I put on my most mature demeanour , did my Alex Turner from 2013 voice and explained to her my role as a software consultant. I was wearing this awkward suit that I had bought the day before (I should've gotten my dad to come with me to help). And by acting mature, I thought in my head that this would make her take me more seriously. She replied "aww and you look so handsome now as well" she smiled with some menace, there was a power in-balance and I really had to get back to work as I felt my knees giving out. As I was attempting to exit the conversation she brought up my guitar playing as I was a musician professionally for a couple years. I let her know that I still play but I couldn't handle the rough hours and low pay that it entailed. She replied "Aww shame, I always thought I'd marry a musician". I almost fucking vomited with butterflies by that point. As I walked away smiling her eyes just followed me all the way back to my area until her coworker asked who I was. I didn't hear the rest of the convo. This was about 2 months ago. COVID was off the hook in my state back then. She has a fiance now (lucky bastard) and she's a Pharmacy researcher at the hospital, she has her phd in chemistry. She's a fucking badass and honestly I'd cut 3 fingers off to go on a date with that woman. For me women can have a certain presence or "vibe" for my fellow zoomers. Never-mind that, people of all genders can have that presence.
Theres a difference between a woman and the late teens, early 20s girls. Its competence, it's confidence, success, maturity, god Idk what it is. But jesus christ I honestly think I'm in love with that woman but she's out of my league in any category. Yeah she's my Ex girlfriends sister, but my ex isnt on my mind anymore, even after she broke my heart after a 4 year high school relationship, I still think Kate getting engaged hurt more.

So I hope that sort of helps. Numbered ages are arbitrary anyway. I know people who began getting wrinkles on their forehead before school finished. I saw guys go bald before 22. I'm actually going grey at 22 thanks to my mums side of the family but to my delight, her entire side of her family that are men, all had full heads of hair into their senior years. So I will take grey hairs thank you very much. People age at different rates and its all just genetic shit. Chronological ages dont line up as well to biological age as science first thought. We know there are lifestyle methods that can slow damage down or even prevent etc. But at 24 I don't know why my friend Jane would be too worried about ageing taking away her good looks.
I've slept with girls that are objectively said to be more attractive by some bullshit quantitive survey, like one girl who honestly was someone I use to drool over on instagram since I was a kid. As we were taking off each others clothes off, felt like I had hit a milestone in my life, sleeping with this "perfect" girl and Guess what, she was 21 at the time (now 22), apparently her "peak" of attractiveness and yeah she was/is hot but, if Kate walked into the room, at 30 (which is not fucking old) and asked if I wanted to have sex with her instead. I mean, I'm going for Kate. Though I'd probably go vagal (Medical joke for medical professionals, I'm not a medical professional). Meaning I'd faint just incase someone doesn't get it.
After sleeping with this girl let's call her Darcy which is her actual first name. I didn't really feel attracted to her other than objectively, and once we had sex, she didn't have the confidence or the character that drew me to other people. She wasn't particularly interesting, she talked about what alcohol she likes to drink and why her friends are so lame, gossip and really just things I wasn't ever going to be interested in. Our interests didn't align and personality wise she just wasn't someone I think I could even be friends with. And I honestly felt like all those years fantasising about this girl that I would see on instagram and a few time at clubs with mutual friends. The hours of instagram dms trying to be as charming as I could, meeting up with her at bars, playing a character of confidence so she would find me attractive. Eventually seducing her. It didn't mean shit. There was no stage, no curtains opening and trumpets sounding as I received my certificate of having sex with a girl I'd been crushing on for 4 years. There wasn't anything really.

I left her parents house and I didn't tell my mates because I almost felt mislead by my penis. Also I knew my mates would never believe me if i told them. I had actually called her in the morning and left a voicemail letting her know that I think she's a great person but I need to figure out my shit before even doing something casual. Which was the truth. I really didn't know what to feel then. I felt like the last 4 years was an illusion almost just fantasising about sleeping with her, it seemed like a waste of time at that point. My mates did find out the following day as Darcy turned up at my house with a blanket and some snacks for a Netflix and Chill that we "definitely" planned the previous night. I was mortified. House was not in order as I have ADHD and its a mission to keep my house organised. I am also not that good looking so I was confused as to why she liked me so much. I thought I struck out lucky once and that was the end of it. I was completely honest with her and let her know where I was in our newly complicated relationship and she said she heard my voicemail and respected my decision. With myself being mentally weak it only took her in some gooseberry intimates (which were literally see through so whats the point) to break the deal of being platonic. I felt that she manipulated me sexually, but how does one complain about this stunning girl using your own base drive against you. "Boohoo... This blonde bombshell just manipulated me breaking into my commitment to remain platonic." After that I told her not to come around anymore and just to be friends. 6 months since then and she still invites me over. What confuses me to this day is I don't see myself as very attractive, so I was confused as to why this happened. But I digress.
Yes Darcy is fucking like an actual work of art, but my attraction was one dimensional. And even the girls that people find the most "stunning" have wrinkles and uneven skin tone, stretch marks etc. She had all that. Which are human signs of imperfection. But so what? Like really, those things don't bother the men you want to sleep with either. That is, if we are talking about looking attractive to men anyway. I've learnt from my sister that girls and women don't just want to look good for prospective partners, but for self expression, self confidence and also its really "none of my business" as she put it. Which is fair enough and I'm glad I learnt that before acting like I know a lot about women because I'm clueless in all senses.
What I've learnt is beauty is overrated, sex is great, but its overrated. People are underrated. Intelligence is underrated, experience is not appreciated, success can be sexist, people don't appreciate things until its too late. Women, can be fucking incredible. Women can also be fucking crazy. Men can be incredible. Men can also be fucking crazy. This includes every gender, every race, every specie on this planet. But humans are more than just flesh and bone. We are fascinating, binary breaking, spectrum sitting, war waging, oppression fighting, dreamers. And to take anyone at face value is a huge disservice to what a human is. Humans are not great because of what we look like. We are great because of what we do. And that my friends is the takeaway. To everyone freaking out about turning 30. You're gonna be fine, i was told your 30s is like your glow-up period of your 20s. You'll be wiser, richer, more respected, smarter, more educated and start to realise that looks are arbitrary bullshit that is only part of the puzzle and you'll still be attractive. Look after yourself and your 30s will look after you. Once again this is a 22 year old male's perspective on women getting older. I might get flamed for something I say but I recognise that I'm not perfect and I'm willing to learn. I really don't know a lot about the world yet as i'm still young and stupid but I wanted to provide a bit of realism to the fears of many young beautiful souls out there.
submitted by Unlikely_Pea_3151 to Vent [link] [comments]


2020.09.22 07:49 LonkXD It's been 6 years but I (17M) still haven't gotten over her (18F), will she haunt me for the rest of my current and future relationships?

It's gonna be a long story and I guess you can tell that by the title, and honestly this feeling just comes and goes and I wish I had written this before when the feeling was at its peak, I don't know if I'm just gonna skip some details because of that or it will be better because I'll be less dramatic, but anyways here it goes.
This is story contains two important girls (both 18 F) and I want to call her X girl and Y girl because I don't want you to get confused
I met X girl back in 5th grade, we were so little but she is the first girl I ever liked for real, back then, I was a shy person whenever I had to treat with those who weren't close and that was the main reason of why I never really told her my intentions (we were kids so that wasn't gonna be that serious, we were probably gonna break up in a couple weeks but I really wanted to be with her and didn't even think about that because I was very young). I barely talked to her and we may have shared a couple laughs but we never got to be close (It is very weird for me although it's probably normal, but have you ever fallen in love with somebody that you barely know? but not just physical, in a way that you really wanted to know that person and be with her above everything else).
For two years I had to listen to X when she talked about how she liked this guy, this other guy, and I had to suffer in silence and just try to ignore the situation because, sadly, we weren't anything.
We got to 7th grade and I met another girl (not Y girl) that I liked and I wasn't even in X's classroom so I thought, why not give it a try? I dated that girl for 5 months but we eventually broke up (I didn't care because I was kinda tired of here being super possesive over me and I was a child discovering what relationships were). 7th year ended and I was surprised X did not appear in my head for a whole year considering what I felt for her the two prior years, maybe because she was in a complete different classroom.
8th grade began and, what a surprise! She got to be in my classroom again (idk how it works in the U.S or other countries, but here you get placed with other 20 or a couple more students and you share every single class with them for an entire year) and all those feelings started coming back, but since I was older and more mature they just got stronger, started talking a little to her but was still as shy as before but even more when talking to her because you know, I liked her, and she was always surrounded by her friends (with whom I didn't speak to). It was another year of just staring at her while she didn't notice mid class, thinking that she was the most beautiful girl ever, considering the moments where the teachers paired us together freaking miracles, and the days where we just talked for a few minutes, the best days of the week, or even the month. My best friend (a girl) used to talk to her and since she knew that I was super shy but wanted her to know my intentions with her, she randomly told her during a conversation that they were having that she had many suitors, as a random fact, like just to make her laugh, X answered "yeah? like who?" and my best friend said my name, X just answered with laughing emojis and left it there. I know, you can't assume somebody's feelings from emojis, but since I heard before that she liked other guy (and had pictures with him looking really happy) it was the day that my world crashed in pieces, literally could not sleep that night because my chest hurt so bad, had to go and talk to my mom and didn't even go to school the next day because I did not want to see her face, the day after that I went to school and was super off (I'm a person that cannot hide his emotions and I really hate it because I always have to tell close people what is going on with me when I feel bad, even if I don't want them to know), the rest of the year was as depressing as that year and I was just thinking like "omg X can't you just start dating that guy so I can forget you faster?". The last day of school ended and even if summer started and my gaming hours and time spent with my friends were gonna increase, I felt so empty and only wanted to cry when I got home from school, because I knew that I was going to miss her for the next 3 months.
2017 and 9th grade started, I got in the same classroom as X girl, again, but here's the introduction of Y girl.
For the beginning of the year she just used me to help her with homework or some school stuff and I eventually got tired of her but at the same time daydreamed with us having a good time as a couple, mid school year the teachers were not happy with my class, and decided to switch some seats so many of the friend groups in my classroom got separated so the classes could be taught easier, I got placed a seat behind Y girl, we already knew each other since elementary school and used to be friends but not more than that, we started talking about our elementary school memories and some other things that we both liked, compared to X girl and the stuff she liked (she is the classic cheerleader character of a netflix show, so you might know her music tastes, hobbies, and more) I felt that I could really be myself with her, I did not feel ashamed telling her that I enjoyed watching anime, playing videogames for hours, and didn't feel ashamed to tell her anything that I would consider embarassing to tell X girl, it was completely normal for Y girl and we both laughed about those stuff, eventually, we got closer, we started talking about our deepest problems and feelings, she invited me to her birthday party, X was invited there as well and I gotta be honest, I was just hoping to see her because I still felt something for her, she didn't make an appearance but I gave myself the opportunity and had one of the best nights of my life with Y girl, I never danced in a party before but I did it with her because I felt so confident with her, two weeks after that I went to her house because "I needed to talk with her" and boom, I kissed her for the first time and started dating, our relationship lasted 5 months and I eventually broke up with her, even if I felt confident with her and felt that I loved her, I felt anxious during the 80% of our relationship, I didn't knew if I loved her the same way as I loved X girl, like I never cried for her or daydreamed with her like I did with X, and thought that it wasn't real love, it happened in summer 2017.
2018 and we started 10th year.
Same classroom as my ex girlfriend, super uncomfortable, I was nice to her all the time because I knew she still liked me and I loved her as a friend, so I didn't wanna hurt her but the best thing to do was probably just stop talking to her, she started to talk with some of my friends and eventually got close with a friend that is close to me, I wasn't in the same classroom as X that year but still saw her in the hallways, on the recesses and started remembering the old 8th grade days and kinda wanted to give it a shot since I was single again, I remember that on her birthday I hugged her for the first time and told my best female friend that I probably wanted to be with her because it felt so cute, my contact with her was even less than the prior years tho.
The school year was ending and a huge drama happed around my group of friends, my ex girlfriend that got close to my male friends talked to them about how she felt about me not wanting to be back with her and one of my close friends that was in love with her was really mad at me because he saw how Y girl was suffering for me while he saw me getting nervous asking X girl did her math exam go. I discovered the whole thing and guess what, somehow I felt that my heart belonged to Y girl because I remembered how open I could be with her, I started talking with her again and about that drama as well, told her how I felt and since she still liked me we gave it another shot, I may sound as an a * * hole, but trust me I felt really happy getting back with her, obviously my friend wasn't happy with that and he and the rest of my friends stopped talking to me for almost 6 months, he also told a lot of lies to Y girl about me so we both did mean things to each other, the good thing is that we're friends again now.
By the way, guess what, I didn't break up with Y girl in a couple months again, she is still my girl friend and our relationship is about to turn 2 years old next month, but here is my problem.
10th year was our first year of relationship, pretty good overwall, didn't get to be in the same classroom as X girl so it was even better, still saw her in the hallways and recesses and felt confused, even if I liked and loved my girlfriend, why do I see X girl the same way as before? but I thought "nah, its probably nothing" still felt kinda bad about it because it wasn't right to feel that way for a person when you're literally in a relationship with another.
2019 and 11th year came, I got in the same classroom as X girl but Y girl was at the other one, so we could only see each other during the recesses and out of school on weekends or some weekdays.
Even if I loved my girlfriend I still saw her the same way, I gotta be honest, saw her and thought that she was the most beautiful human being in the world, idk what she had but she was just so cute for me and wanted to get to know her, unlike elementary school, my personality really developed during the last years, I went from being the quiet guy to being the funniest guy in my promotion, super open with anybody and I can tell everybody likes me, the thing is that for the first time in 5 years I got to talk to X, even belonged to her friend group and talked a lot of stuff, it was also the year in which I started to go to parties and actually enjoy them, probably the best year of my life and this one was probably going to be even better but we all know what happened.
The thing is that I felt that she was different with me than the prior years, we started talking more, after 5 years of knowing each other she finally followed me on Instagram, when I arrived at those parties, she just reacted so happy or hyped about it, even on those where I attended with my girlfriend, during the classes I still constantly looked at her bc the physical attraction was still there, and guess what, I wasn't the only one looking at the other one while he/she didn't notice, and she even took pics or videos of me for ig stuff without me even knowing, I just saw those when she posted them, maybe none of those things mean anything, but idk, a part of myself thinks that it meant something.
Later that year we were playing a game in the school and I lost, the thing is that my penalty was that I had to let them read my dms with any person they wanted, they went to my best female friend's chat and started looking at the pictures we sent each other (they chose her just to joke around because my girlfriend was there and you know what they say about a guy that has a girlfriend and is super close to another girl at the same time) the thing is that they dug down to 2017 pictures and found a picture of X girl and her past crush that I sent my friend telling her how bad I felt because she seemed pretty happy with him, even if they weren't anything.
I was one of the most embarassing moments of my life, specially because X girl and her friend group was her, along with my girlfriend, I don't know what anybody thought, but my girlfriend was very supporting with me and told me that it was gonna be ok and that I should not care what my classmates thought about it, she probably wasn't that jealous because it was a really old photo, even prior to the first time we dated. X girl asked me a couple days after that if I still had the picture and I was like, nah I don't have it anymore, I didn't wanna talk about it.
The rest of the year was the same, X girl and I sharing a couple moments, her best friends asking me to do some weird things for X girl like rubbing her hair, or her friends asking several times who would I date if I wasn't with Y, some times I said "X" and some other times I just mentioned other random names but honestly the only person I would've ever liked to date if I wasn't with Y would be X.
Last year I got way closer with Y girl, since we're growing up and getting more mature the relationship and our bonds are just getting stronger, but even if I spent wonderful moments with here some of the nights I dreamed of X, having conversations that we never had and actually getting close.
This year my school year was only face-to-face for 4 days, and the classrooms didn't change at all, I was still with X girl and my girlfriend (Y) in the other classroom, my parents still treat me as a little kid and unlike many other parents they still take me to school on the first days just to see if I'm happy with my new classmates, and this year she left me at my classroom's door, when I got in everybody was super happy to have me there, as I told you, everybody in my classroom likes me because I'm the guy who's always joking around and makes them laugh.
My mom knows the whole story that I'm typing right here and told me that X's expression when I got in the classroom was just another thing. She told me that she was sure that she felt something for me, and even if I felt I loved my girlfriend that made me feel happy for some reason, if I'm honest with you I wanted the classrooms to be the same as 2019 because I wanted to be alone with X girl and not with my girlfriend and see if something happened, not because I wanted to break up with my girlfriend, but because I knew that if my feelings for X were real, something was gonna happen.
I'm gonna be completely honest, I love Y girl (my current girlfriend), we're closer than ever, I can tell her whatever I need to and she understands me, she loves me and trust me I do care a lot for her too, I'm happy around her and since last year X girl hadn't been in my mind. I think my feelings for X girl are just physical because I don't even know her favorite netflix show or song, but I think those feelings haunt me because I never told her my intentions and got rejected/accepted, or got over her properly, because both times I just forgot my feelings dating another person.
From March to July I didn't think about her, on july 20th just got kinda sad because I remembered the topic but it wasn't a big deal, just lasted for like 2 days. but yeah my life has been super normal, I saw her during online classes and felt nothing, just saw an attractive girl and that was it, I was not going and still don't think that dropping my current relationship that is going to turn 2 years old and is really stable is worth it for a girl I don't even know that well and isn't probably interested in me.
But here is why I decided to write this whole thing: yesterday, after many months, I dreamed of X girl again, and I found it so weird because I have many months without thinking about her the way I did before, but the dream had the same story as last year's ones, we talked to each other laying in a green field, we were looking into each other's eyes (one of the things that attracts me the most about her) she asked me if I felt something for her, and if I did, why can't we be dating? she was playing with my hair, as well as one of her close friends like idk why, it was so weird but I didn't focus on that girl, then we switch scenarios and we're eating, doing stuff together, and the other specific scene I remember was X and I laying in a bed, she was trying to kiss me but I just couldn't because I knew it wasn't right, I have a girlfriend.
Out of all the dreams that I've had of her this was the most real one, I woke up scared as hell and didn't know what to feel, couldn't even talk about it with my friends, family or girlfriend for obvious reason, but it was a shitty day and I just feel bad right now, I'm feeling awkward around my girlfriend or being kinda dry with her but those are not my intentions, I don't wanna hurt her and I love her.
She's gonna leave the country next year and because of this pandemic and the face-to-face school year being cancelled, I'm probably never seeing X girl again and I know that's probably gonna hurt me but I just wanna get over it, I don't want those dreams and feelings to haunt me for the rest of this current relationship, and possibly on my next ones. What do you think I should do? Honestly I was thinking about asking X if she ever felt something for me and just kill those rumours of her liking me, but idk if that's a dumb idea.
But yeah, if you made it here and are willing to give me tips or just tell me what's going on with me based on your experience I would be grateful because I feel so lost right now and this whole thing took me 2 hours to type I really don't wanna get left on seen lmao.
This is my 6-year-long love problem and I'm grateful that you took the time to read it, every time I felt this way I thought about typing it all and never did, but I'm tired of it and my dream was powerful enough to make me do it so, here it is.
TL;DR: I think I've been in love with / haven't gotten over the same girl for 6 years, even after being in two relationships (still in the second one).
submitted by LonkXD to Advice [link] [comments]


2020.09.22 07:48 LonkXD It's been 6 years but I (17M) still haven't gotten over her (18F), will she haunt me for the rest of my current and future relationships?

It's gonna be a long story and I guess you can tell that by the title, and honestly this feeling just comes and goes and I wish I had written this before when the feeling was at its peak, I don't know if I'm just gonna skip some details because of that or it will be better because I'll be less dramatic, but anyways here it goes.
This is story contains two important girls (both 18 F) and I want to call her X girl and Y girl because I don't want you to get confused
I met X girl back in 5th grade, we were so little but she is the first girl I ever liked for real, back then, I was a shy person whenever I had to treat with those who weren't close and that was the main reason of why I never really told her my intentions (we were kids so that wasn't gonna be that serious, we were probably gonna break up in a couple weeks but I really wanted to be with her and didn't even think about that because I was very young). I barely talked to her and we may have shared a couple laughs but we never got to be close (It is very weird for me although it's probably normal, but have you ever fallen in love with somebody that you barely know? but not just physical, in a way that you really wanted to know that person and be with her above everything else).
For two years I had to listen to X when she talked about how she liked this guy, this other guy, and I had to suffer in silence and just try to ignore the situation because, sadly, we weren't anything.
We got to 7th grade and I met another girl (not Y girl) that I liked and I wasn't even in X's classroom so I thought, why not give it a try? I dated that girl for 5 months but we eventually broke up (I didn't care because I was kinda tired of here being super possesive over me and I was a child discovering what relationships were). 7th year ended and I was surprised X did not appear in my head for a whole year considering what I felt for her the two prior years, maybe because she was in a complete different classroom.
8th grade began and, what a surprise! She got to be in my classroom again (idk how it works in the U.S or other countries, but here you get placed with other 20 or a couple more students and you share every single class with them for an entire year) and all those feelings started coming back, but since I was older and more mature they just got stronger, started talking a little to her but was still as shy as before but even more when talking to her because you know, I liked her, and she was always surrounded by her friends (with whom I didn't speak to). It was another year of just staring at her while she didn't notice mid class, thinking that she was the most beautiful girl ever, considering the moments where the teachers paired us together freaking miracles, and the days where we just talked for a few minutes, the best days of the week, or even the month. My best friend (a girl) used to talk to her and since she knew that I was super shy but wanted her to know my intentions with her, she randomly told her during a conversation that they were having that she had many suitors, as a random fact, like just to make her laugh, X answered "yeah? like who?" and my best friend said my name, X just answered with laughing emojis and left it there. I know, you can't assume somebody's feelings from emojis, but since I heard before that she liked other guy (and had pictures with him looking really happy) it was the day that my world crashed in pieces, literally could not sleep that night because my chest hurt so bad, had to go and talk to my mom and didn't even go to school the next day because I did not want to see her face, the day after that I went to school and was super off (I'm a person that cannot hide his emotions and I really hate it because I always have to tell close people what is going on with me when I feel bad, even if I don't want them to know), the rest of the year was as depressing as that year and I was just thinking like "omg X can't you just start dating that guy so I can forget you faster?". The last day of school ended and even if summer started and my gaming hours and time spent with my friends were gonna increase, I felt so empty and only wanted to cry when I got home from school, because I knew that I was going to miss her for the next 3 months.
2017 and 9th grade started, I got in the same classroom as X girl, again, but here's the introduction of Y girl.
For the beginning of the year she just used me to help her with homework or some school stuff and I eventually got tired of her but at the same time daydreamed with us having a good time as a couple, mid school year the teachers were not happy with my class, and decided to switch some seats so many of the friend groups in my classroom got separated so the classes could be taught easier, I got placed a seat behind Y girl, we already knew each other since elementary school and used to be friends but not more than that, we started talking about our elementary school memories and some other things that we both liked, compared to X girl and the stuff she liked (she is the classic cheerleader character of a netflix show, so you might know her music tastes, hobbies, and more) I felt that I could really be myself with her, I did not feel ashamed telling her that I enjoyed watching anime, playing videogames for hours, and didn't feel ashamed to tell her anything that I would consider embarassing to tell X girl, it was completely normal for Y girl and we both laughed about those stuff, eventually, we got closer, we started talking about our deepest problems and feelings, she invited me to her birthday party, X was invited there as well and I gotta be honest, I was just hoping to see her because I still felt something for her, she didn't make an appearance but I gave myself the opportunity and had one of the best nights of my life with Y girl, I never danced in a party before but I did it with her because I felt so confident with her, two weeks after that I went to her house because "I needed to talk with her" and boom, I kissed her for the first time and started dating, our relationship lasted 5 months and I eventually broke up with her, even if I felt confident with her and felt that I loved her, I felt anxious during the 80% of our relationship, I didn't knew if I loved her the same way as I loved X girl, like I never cried for her or daydreamed with her like I did with X, and thought that it wasn't real love, it happened in summer 2017.
2018 and we started 10th year.
Same classroom as my ex girlfriend, super uncomfortable, I was nice to her all the time because I knew she still liked me and I loved her as a friend, so I didn't wanna hurt her but the best thing to do was probably just stop talking to her, she started to talk with some of my friends and eventually got close with a friend that is close to me, I wasn't in the same classroom as X that year but still saw her in the hallways, on the recesses and started remembering the old 8th grade days and kinda wanted to give it a shot since I was single again, I remember that on her birthday I hugged her for the first time and told my best female friend that I probably wanted to be with her because it felt so cute, my contact with her was even less than the prior years tho. The school year was ending and a huge drama happed around my group of friends, my ex girlfriend that got close to my male friends talked to them about how she felt about me not wanting to be back with her and one of my close friends that was in love with her was really mad at me because he saw how Y girl was suffering for me while he saw me getting nervous asking X girl did her math exam go. I discovered the whole thing and guess what, somehow I felt that my heart belonged to Y girl because I remembered how open I could be with her, I started talking with her again and about that drama as well, told her how I felt and since she still liked me we gave it another shot, I may sound as an a * * hole, but trust me I felt really happy getting back with her, obviously my friend wasn't happy with that and he and the rest of my friends stopped talking to me for almost 6 months, he also told a lot of lies to Y girl about me so we both did mean things to each other, the good thing is that we're friends again now.
By the way, guess what, I didn't break up with Y girl in a couple months again, she is still my girl friend and our relationship is about to turn 2 years old next month, but here is my problem.
10th year was our first year of relationship, pretty good overwall, didn't get to be in the same classroom as X girl so it was even better, still saw her in the hallways and recesses and felt confused, even if I liked and loved my girlfriend, why do I see X girl the same way as before? but I thought "nah, its probably nothing" still felt kinda bad about it because it wasn't right to feel that way for a person when you're literally in a relationship with another.
2019 and 11th year came, I got in the same classroom as X girl but Y girl was at the other one, so we could only see each other during the recesses and out of school on weekends or some weekdays.
Even if I loved my girlfriend I still saw her the same way, I gotta be honest, saw her and thought that she was the most beautiful human being in the world, idk what she had but she was just so cute for me and wanted to get to know her, unlike elementary school, my personality really developed during the last years, I went from being the quiet guy to being the funniest guy in my promotion, super open with anybody and I can tell everybody likes me, the thing is that for the first time in 5 years I got to talk to X, even belonged to her friend group and talked a lot of stuff, it was also the year in which I started to go to parties and actually enjoy them, probably the best year of my life and this one was probably going to be even better but we all know what happened.
The thing is that I felt that she was different with me than the prior years, we started talking more, after 5 years of knowing each other she finally followed me on Instagram, when I arrived at those parties, she just reacted so happy or hyped about it, even on those where I attended with my girlfriend, during the classes I still constantly looked at her bc the physical attraction was still there, and guess what, I wasn't the only one looking at the other one while he/she didn't notice, and she even took pics or videos of me for ig stuff without me even knowing, I just saw those when she posted them, maybe none of those things mean anything, but idk, a part of myself thinks that it meant something.
Later that year we were playing a game in the school and I lost, the thing is that my penalty was that I had to let them read my dms with any person they wanted, they went to my best female friend's chat and started looking at the pictures we sent each other (they chose her just to joke around because my girlfriend was there and you know what they say about a guy that has a girlfriend and is super close to another girl at the same time) the thing is that they dug down to 2017 pictures and found a picture of X girl and her past crush that I sent my friend telling her how bad I felt because she seemed pretty happy with him, even if they weren't anything. I was one of the most embarassing moments of my life, specially because X girl and her friend group was her, along with my girlfriend, I don't know what anybody thought, but my girlfriend was very supporting with me and told me that it was gonna be ok and that I should not care what my classmates thought about it, she probably wasn't that jealous because it was a really old photo, even prior to the first time we dated. X girl asked me a couple days after that if I still had the picture and I was like, nah I don't have it anymore, I didn't wanna talk about it.
The rest of the year was the same, X girl and I sharing a couple moments, her best friends asking me to do some weird things for X girl like rubbing her hair, or her friends asking several times who would I date if I wasn't with Y, some times I said "X" and some other times I just mentioned other random names but honestly the only person I would've ever liked to date if I wasn't with Y would be X.
Last year I got way closer with Y girl, since we're growing up and getting more mature the relationship and our bonds are just getting stronger, but even if I spent wonderful moments with here some of the nights I dreamed of X, having conversations that we never had and actually getting close.
This year my school year was only face-to-face for 4 days, and the classrooms didn't change at all, I was still with X girl and my girlfriend (Y) in the other classroom, my parents still treat me as a little kid and unlike many other parents they still take me to school on the first days just to see if I'm happy with my new classmates, and this year she left me at my classroom's door, when I got in everybody was super happy to have me there, as I told you, everybody in my classroom likes me because I'm the guy who's always joking around and makes them laugh. My mom knows the whole story that I'm typing right here and told me that X's expression when I got in the classroom was just another thing. She told me that she was sure that she felt something for me, and even if I felt I loved my girlfriend that made me feel happy for some reason, if I'm honest with you I wanted the classrooms to be the same as 2019 because I wanted to be alone with X girl and not with my girlfriend and see if something happened, not because I wanted to break up with my girlfriend, but because I knew that if my feelings for X were real, something was gonna happen.
I'm gonna be completely honest, I love Y girl (my current girlfriend), we're closer than ever, I can tell her whatever I need to and she understands me, she loves me and trust me I do care a lot for her too, I'm happy around her and since last year X girl hadn't been in my mind. I think my feelings for X girl are just physical because I don't even know her favorite netflix show or song, but I think those feelings haunt me because I never told her my intentions and got rejected/accepted, or got over her properly, because both times I just forgot my feelings dating another person.
From March to July I didn't think about her, on july 20th just got kinda sad because I remembered the topic but it wasn't a big deal, just lasted for like 2 days. but yeah my life has been super normal, I saw her during online classes and felt nothing, just saw an attractive girl and that was it, I was not going and still don't think that dropping my current relationship that is going to turn 2 years old and is really stable is worth it for a girl I don't even know that well and isn't probably interested in me.
But here is why I decided to write this whole thing: yesterday, after many months, I dreamed of X girl again, and I found it so weird because I have many months without thinking about her the way I did before, but the dream had the same story as last year's ones, we talked to each other laying in a green field, we were looking into each other's eyes (one of the things that attracts me the most about her) she asked me if I felt something for her, and if I did, why can't we be dating? she was playing with my hair, as well as one of her close friends like idk why, it was so weird but I didn't focus on that girl, then we switch scenarios and we're eating, doing stuff together, and the other specific scene I remember was X and I laying in a bed, she was trying to kiss me but I just couldn't because I knew it wasn't right, I have a girlfriend. Out of all the dreams that I've had of her this was the most real one, I woke up scared as hell and didn't know what to feel, couldn't even talk about it with my friends, family or girlfriend for obvious reason, but it was a shitty day and I just feel bad right now, I'm feeling awkward around my girlfriend or being kinda dry with her but those are not my intentions, I don't wanna hurt her and I love her.
She's gonna leave the country next year and because of this pandemic and the face-to-face school year being cancelled, I'm probably never seeing X girl again and I know that's probably gonna hurt me but I just wanna get over it, I don't want those dreams and feelings to haunt me for the rest of this current relationship, and possibly on my next ones. What do you think I should do? Honestly I was thinking about asking X if she ever felt something for me and just kill those rumours of her liking me, but idk if that's a dumb idea.
But yeah, if you made it here and are willing to give me tips or just tell me what's going on with me based on your experience I would be grateful because I feel so lost right now and this whole thing took me 2 hours to type I really don't wanna get left on seen lmao.
This is my 6-year-long love problem and I'm grateful that you took the time to read it, every time I felt this way I thought about typing it all and never did, but I'm tired of it and my dream was powerful enough to make me do it so, here it is.
TL;DR: I think I've been in love with / haven't gotten over the same girl for 6 years, even after being in two relationships (still in the second one).
submitted by LonkXD to relationship_advice [link] [comments]


2020.09.22 07:45 LonkXD It's been 6 years but I (17M) still haven't gotten over her (18F), will she haunt me for the rest of my current and future relationships?

It's gonna be a long story and I guess you can tell that by the title, and honestly this feeling just comes and goes and I wish I had written this before when the feeling was at its peak, I don't know if I'm just gonna skip some details because of that or it will be better because I'll be less dramatic, but anyways here it goes.
This is story contains two important girls (both 18 F) and I want to call her X girl and Y girl because I don't want you to get confused
I met X girl back in 5th grade, we were so little but she is the first girl I ever liked for real, back then, I was a shy person whenever I had to treat with those who weren't close and that was the main reason of why I never really told her my intentions (we were kids so that wasn't gonna be that serious, we were probably gonna break up in a couple weeks but I really wanted to be with her and didn't even think about that because I was very young). I barely talked to her and we may have shared a couple laughs but we never got to be close (It is very weird for me although it's probably normal, but have you ever fallen in love with somebody that you barely know? but not just physical, in a way that you really wanted to know that person and be with her above everything else).
For two years I had to listen to X when she talked about how she liked this guy, this other guy, and I had to suffer in silence and just try to ignore the situation because, sadly, we weren't anything.
We got to 7th grade and I met another girl (not Y girl) that I liked and I wasn't even in X's classroom so I thought, why not give it a try? I dated that girl for 5 months but we eventually broke up (I didn't care because I was kinda tired of here being super possesive over me and I was a child discovering what relationships were). 7th year ended and I was surprised X did not appear in my head for a whole year considering what I felt for her the two prior years, maybe because she was in a complete different classroom.
8th grade began and, what a surprise! She got to be in my classroom again (idk how it works in the U.S or other countries, but here you get placed with other 20 or a couple more students and you share every single class with them for an entire year) and all those feelings started coming back, but since I was older and more mature they just got stronger, started talking a little to her but was still as shy as before but even more when talking to her because you know, I liked her, and she was always surrounded by her friends (with whom I didn't speak to). It was another year of just staring at her while she didn't notice mid class, thinking that she was the most beautiful girl ever, considering the moments where the teachers paired us together freaking miracles, and the days where we just talked for a few minutes, the best days of the week, or even the month. My best friend (a girl) used to talk to her and since she knew that I was super shy but wanted her to know my intentions with her, she randomly told her during a conversation that they were having that she had many suitors, as a random fact, like just to make her laugh, X answered "yeah? like who?" and my best friend said my name, X just answered with laughing emojis and left it there. I know, you can't assume somebody's feelings from emojis, but since I heard before that she liked other guy (and had pictures with him looking really happy) it was the day that my world crashed in pieces, literally could not sleep that night because my chest hurt so bad, had to go and talk to my mom and didn't even go to school the next day because I did not want to see her face, the day after that I went to school and was super off (I'm a person that cannot hide his emotions and I really hate it because I always have to tell close people what is going on with me when I feel bad, even if I don't want them to know), the rest of the year was as depressing as that year and I was just thinking like "omg X can't you just start dating that guy so I can forget you faster?". The last day of school ended and even if summer started and my gaming hours and time spent with my friends were gonna increase, I felt so empty and only wanted to cry when I got home from school, because I knew that I was going to miss her for the next 3 months.
2017 and 9th grade started, I got in the same classroom as X girl, again, but here's the introduction of Y girl.
For the beginning of the year she just used me to help her with homework or some school stuff and I eventually got tired of her but at the same time daydreamed with us having a good time as a couple, mid school year the teachers were not happy with my class, and decided to switch some seats so many of the friend groups in my classroom got separated so the classes could be taught easier, I got placed a seat behind Y girl, we already knew each other since elementary school and used to be friends but not more than that, we started talking about our elementary school memories and some other things that we both liked, compared to X girl and the stuff she liked (she is the classic cheerleader character of a netflix show, so you might know her music tastes, hobbies, and more) I felt that I could really be myself with her, I did not feel ashamed telling her that I enjoyed watching anime, playing videogames for hours, and didn't feel ashamed to tell her anything that I would consider embarassing to tell X girl, it was completely normal for Y girl and we both laughed about those stuff, eventually, we got closer, we started talking about our deepest problems and feelings, she invited me to her birthday party, X was invited there as well and I gotta be honest, I was just hoping to see her because I still felt something for her, she didn't make an appearance but I gave myself the opportunity and had one of the best nights of my life with Y girl, I never danced in a party before but I did it with her because I felt so confident with her, two weeks after that I went to her house because "I needed to talk with her" and boom, I kissed her for the first time and started dating, our relationship lasted 5 months and I eventually broke up with her, even if I felt confident with her and felt that I loved her, I felt anxious during the 80% of our relationship, I didn't knew if I loved her the same way as I loved X girl, like I never cried for her or daydreamed with her like I did with X, and thought that it wasn't real love, it happened in summer 2017.
2018 and we started 10th year.
Same classroom as my ex girlfriend, super uncomfortable, I was nice to her all the time because I knew she still liked me and I loved her as a friend, so I didn't wanna hurt her but the best thing to do was probably just stop talking to her, she started to talk with some of my friends and eventually got close with a friend that is close to me, I wasn't in the same classroom as X that year but still saw her in the hallways, on the recesses and started remembering the old 8th grade days and kinda wanted to give it a shot since I was single again, I remember that on her birthday I hugged her for the first time and told my best female friend that I probably wanted to be with her because it felt so cute, my contact with her was even less than the prior years tho. The school year was ending and a huge drama happed around my group of friends, my ex girlfriend that got close to my male friends talked to them about how she felt about me not wanting to be back with her and one of my close friends that was in love with her was really mad at me because he saw how Y girl was suffering for me while he saw me getting nervous asking X girl did her math exam go. I discovered the whole thing and guess what, somehow I felt that my heart belonged to Y girl because I remembered how open I could be with her, I started talking with her again and about that drama as well, told her how I felt and since she still liked me we gave it another shot, I may sound as an a * * hole, but trust me I felt really happy getting back with her, obviously my friend wasn't happy with that and he and the rest of my friends stopped talking to me for almost 6 months, he also told a lot of lies to Y girl about me so we both did mean things to each other, the good thing is that we're friends again now.
By the way, guess what, I didn't break up with Y girl in a couple months again, she is still my girl friend and our relationship is about to turn 2 years old next month, but here is my problem.
10th year was our first year of relationship, pretty good overwall, didn't get to be in the same classroom as X girl so it was even better, still saw her in the hallways and recesses and felt confused, even if I liked and loved my girlfriend, why do I see X girl the same way as before? but I thought "nah, its probably nothing" still felt kinda bad about it because it wasn't right to feel that way for a person when you're literally in a relationship with another.
2019 and 11th year came, I got in the same classroom as X girl but Y girl was at the other one, so we could only see each other during the recesses and out of school on weekends or some weekdays.
Even if I loved my girlfriend I still saw her the same way, I gotta be honest, saw her and thought that she was the most beautiful human being in the world, idk what she had but she was just so cute for me and wanted to get to know her, unlike elementary school, my personality really developed during the last years, I went from being the quiet guy to being the funniest guy in my promotion, super open with anybody and I can tell everybody likes me, the thing is that for the first time in 5 years I got to talk to X, even belonged to her friend group and talked a lot of stuff, it was also the year in which I started to go to parties and actually enjoy them, probably the best year of my life and this one was probably going to be even better but we all know what happened.
The thing is that I felt that she was different with me than the prior years, we started talking more, after 5 years of knowing each other she finally followed me on Instagram, when I arrived at those parties, she just reacted so happy or hyped about it, even on those where I attended with my girlfriend, during the classes I still constantly looked at her bc the physical attraction was still there, and guess what, I wasn't the only one looking at the other one while he/she didn't notice, and she even took pics or videos of me for ig stuff without me even knowing, I just saw those when she posted them, maybe none of those things mean anything, but idk, a part of myself thinks that it meant something.
Later that year we were playing a game in the school and I lost, the thing is that my penalty was that I had to let them read my dms with any person they wanted, they went to my best female friend's chat and started looking at the pictures we sent each other (they chose her just to joke around because my girlfriend was there and you know what they say about a guy that has a girlfriend and is super close to another girl at the same time) the thing is that they dug down to 2017 pictures and found a picture of X girl and her past crush that I sent my friend telling her how bad I felt because she seemed pretty happy with him, even if they weren't anything. I was one of the most embarassing moments of my life, specially because X girl and her friend group was her, along with my girlfriend, I don't know what anybody thought, but my girlfriend was very supporting with me and told me that it was gonna be ok and that I should not care what my classmates thought about it, she probably wasn't that jealous because it was a really old photo, even prior to the first time we dated. X girl asked me a couple days after that if I still had the picture and I was like, nah I don't have it anymore, I didn't wanna talk about it.
The rest of the year was the same, X girl and I sharing a couple moments, her best friends asking me to do some weird things for X girl like rubbing her hair, or her friends asking several times who would I date if I wasn't with Y, some times I said "X" and some other times I just mentioned other random names but honestly the only person I would've ever liked to date if I wasn't with Y would be X.
Last year I got way closer with Y girl, since we're growing up and getting more mature the relationship and our bonds are just getting stronger, but even if I spent wonderful moments with here some of the nights I dreamed of X, having conversations that we never had and actually getting close.
This year my school year was only face-to-face for 4 days, and the classrooms didn't change at all, I was still with X girl and my girlfriend (Y) in the other classroom, my parents still treat me as a little kid and unlike many other parents they still take me to school on the first days just to see if I'm happy with my new classmates, and this year she left me at my classroom's door, when I got in everybody was super happy to have me there, as I told you, everybody in my classroom likes me because I'm the guy who's always joking around and makes them laugh. My mom knows the whole story that I'm typing right here and told me that X's expression when I got in the classroom was just another thing. She told me that she was sure that she felt something for me, and even if I felt I loved my girlfriend that made me feel happy for some reason, if I'm honest with you I wanted the classrooms to be the same as 2019 because I wanted to be alone with X girl and not with my girlfriend and see if something happened, not because I wanted to break up with my girlfriend, but because I knew that if my feelings for X were real, something was gonna happen.
I'm gonna be completely honest, I love Y girl (my current girlfriend), we're closer than ever, I can tell her whatever I need to and she understands me, she loves me and trust me I do care a lot for her too, I'm happy around her and since last year X girl hadn't been in my mind. I think my feelings for X girl are just physical because I don't even know her favorite netflix show or song, but I think those feelings haunt me because I never told her my intentions and got rejected/accepted, or got over her properly, because both times I just forgot my feelings dating another person.
From March to July I didn't think about her, on july 20th just got kinda sad because I remembered the topic but it wasn't a big deal, just lasted for like 2 days. but yeah my life has been super normal, I saw her during online classes and felt nothing, just saw an attractive girl and that was it, I was not going and still don't think that dropping my current relationship that is going to turn 2 years old and is really stable is worth it for a girl I don't even know that well and isn't probably interested in me.
But here is why I decided to write this whole thing: yesterday, after many months, I dreamed of X girl again, and I found it so weird because I have many months without thinking about her the way I did before, but the dream had the same story as last year's ones, we talked to each other laying in a green field, we were looking into each other's eyes (one of the things that attracts me the most about her) she asked me if I felt something for her, and if I did, why can't we be dating? she was playing with my hair, as well as one of her close friends like idk why, it was so weird but I didn't focus on that girl, then we switch scenarios and we're eating, doing stuff together, and the other specific scene I remember was X and I laying in a bed, she was trying to kiss me but I just couldn't because I knew it wasn't right, I have a girlfriend. Out of all the dreams that I've had of her this was the most real one, I woke up scared as hell and didn't know what to feel, couldn't even talk about it with my friends, family or girlfriend for obvious reason, but it was a shitty day and I just feel bad right now, I'm feeling awkward around my girlfriend or being kinda dry with her but those are not my intentions, I don't wanna hurt her and I love her.
She's gonna leave the country next year and because of this pandemic and the face-to-face school year being cancelled, I'm probably never seeing X girl again and I know that's probably gonna hurt me but I just wanna get over it, I don't want those dreams and feelings to haunt me for the rest of this current relationship, and possibly on my next ones. What do you think I should do? Honestly I was thinking about asking X if she ever felt something for me and just kill those rumours of her liking me, but idk if that's a dumb idea.
But yeah, if you made it here and are willing to give me tips or just tell me what's going on with me based on your experience I would be grateful because I feel so lost right now and this whole thing took me 2 hours to type I really don't wanna get left on seen lmao.
This is my 6-year-long love problem and I'm grateful that you took the time to read it, every time I felt this way I thought about typing it all and never did, but I'm tired of it and my dream was powerful enough to make me do it so, here it is.
TL;DR: I think I've been in love with / haven't gotten over the same girl for 6 years, even after being in two relationships (still in the second one).
submitted by LonkXD to relationships [link] [comments]


2020.09.22 05:16 Easy_to_Ignore Wanting to build a "console" PC

>**What will you be doing with this PC? Be as specific as possible, and include specific games or programs you will be using.*\*
Gaming: Star Wars the Old Republic (Currently using old launcher, could switch to Steam launcher, if I have to), SimCity 4 (Steam), Skyrim with occasional intense graphic mods (Steam); Would like to use as a 'console', hook up to a television/large wall-mounted monitor for watching movies/YouTube/Netflix/etc.
>**What is your maximum budget before rebates/shipping/taxes?*\*
1000USD
>**When do you plan on building/buying the PC? Note: beyond a week or two from today means any build you receive will be out of date when you want to buy.*\*
ASAP.
>**What, exactly, do you need included in the budget? (ToweOS/monitokeyboard/mouse/etc\)*\*
ToweOS/HD/Graphics/Memory/Disc playereadePeripheral inputs for potentially up to 5-6 external components.
>**Which country (and state/province) will you be purchasing the parts in? If you're in US, do you have access to a Microcenter location?*\*
US/AZ; No Microcenter accessibility.
>**If reusing any parts (including monitor(s)/keyboard/mouse/etc), what parts will you be reusing? Brands and models are appreciated.*\*
Razer Naga Trinity mouse, Razer Ornata Chroma: Mecha-Membrane keyboard, Razer Firefly Chroma mousepad.
>**Will you be overclocking? If yes, are you interested in overclocking right away, or down the line? CPU and/or GPU?*\*
No.
>**Are there any specific features or items you want/need in the build? (ex: SSD, large amount of storage or a RAID setup, CUDA or OpenCL support, etc)*\*
Dual SSD, if it makes sense? I currently only use about half a TB in storage/usage, obviously needing to have more if I intend to use it as a game console substitute.
>**Do you have any specific case preferences (Size like ITX/microATX/mid-towefull-tower, styles, colors, window or not, LED lighting, etc), or a particular color theme preference for the components?*\*
No, I don't plan on really wanting to see/hear it, aside from needing ventilation.
>**Do you need a copy of Windows included in the budget? If you do need one included, do you have a preference?*\*
Yes, and no preference.
>**Extra info or particulars:*\*
Just really want a streamlined, unassuming looking box with inserts for multiple peripherals (you figure the mouse/keyboard/mousepad, monitoTV connection and at least 3-4 peripherals/controls that may be used) that I can also use as a Blu-Ray playeMedia viewer.
submitted by Easy_to_Ignore to buildapcforme [link] [comments]


2020.09.21 23:06 anonbpdbi-tch Didn’t pursue an ex!

So it’s not a major break through but I’m really happy with myself.
Recently rematched with an ex on tinder, and came to realise it wasn’t going to work no matter how desperate I was. He has just been through some kind of trauma (we dated earlier this year, ended in June and he started dating someone else pretty soon after) which has made him throw his walls up higher than mine. He had said he wasn’t interested in dating, and was only willing to be physically involved with someone until he was emotionally ready. Netflix and chill kinda stuff really.
I messaged him this morning and said while I totally understand he’s been through trauma, we aren’t on the same page about what we’re after on the app and I wished him luck in finding someone who would be happy with just the physical aspect of a relationship.
And I’m really proud of myself! I have in past suffered through relationships where the emotional aspect was non existent or very abusive, so being able to stand up for myself today really made me smile.
submitted by anonbpdbi-tch to BPD [link] [comments]


2020.09.21 22:22 scarlettbovine [26M] My life has basically fallen apart due to my addiction, and I'm attempting to recover myself now. Wish me luck.

I am quietly coming to terms with the fact that I am and have been addicted to porn for about 12 years.
I went through the most formative years of my life (late high school, all of college, early career) while always finding personal stimulation rather than seeking help and focusing on life happiness. I've missed out on so many people, opportunities, and ultimately successes by resorting to my old and current vice, and it's been so incredibly toxic to my head. I have been been diagnosed with ADHD, I have no distinct skills or career path, and I've lost a job, a wonderful relationship, and numerous opportunities due to my negative emotional response mindset.
My ex girlfriend broke up with me after nearly four years together two months ago. She and I started dating as I was interning in my second to last semester of college and she was about to begin medical school. While I've always struggled with intimacy (and confidence as a whole) with previous women and was of course addicted to porn which hampered everything, she and I had a wonderful sex life early on. I was her first, and she was my first consistent partner. I always struggled to wear a condom and maintain an erection, and we decided it was okay not to after we did a few times and she confirmed she was (and has been since) on birth control.
Outside of the relationship, I continued to pursue more instantly gratifying experiences, and I've struggled to set any kind of long term goals for myself. I graduated near the end of our first year of dating, and she almost overwhelmed me in that time with the smothering of love, care, thought, and affection she put into the relationship. She hoped to and deserved to be treated like a queen, and she treated me like a king. I was almost uncomfortable with that though. I have low self-esteem, and I struggled to meet her physical and future-oriented needs. I got a job after college with a chemical company as a chemical engineer in a plant. It was such a cool job. I interacted with operations, engineering, R&D, business, etc. And I struggled. Every day. I couldn't focus, maintain interest, arrive on time, etc as I didn't really feel stimulated to be there. I spent time when I could on my computer, on my phone, seeking social media, etc. I SO incredibly with I hadn't, because I was let go from that job 8 months in, and it honestly felt like a relief. It wasn't. I previously did research in college, which was super interesting but I didn't focus and learn in it, I had an co-op with an incredible company, which was interesting but I didn't engage well in it and didn't get a position. And now I lost my first job. I faltered. Went back to procrastinating. To staying up late. To seeking validation. I didn't build relationships in person with those close to me, but rather stuck to my relationships from college which involved phone calls multiple states or time zones away. I sought an engineering consulting/computer based job which allowed me to sit at a desk and basically become a depressed blob but also hide my insecurities. And for two years, I haven't really moved forward.
I moved two hours away to a big city. I sought the grass is always greener city life. I met new people, experienced new surroundings, traveled a lot, talked with coworkers, etc. But I've hated being at a desk job. I honestly am not interested in the work. But I have no confidence to leave (and I also thought I needed to stay for 2 years). My ex supported me in this transition, because she is awesome and knew I was unhappy. But we continued to date for a total of 4 years as she went through medical school and I lived 2 hours away. We traveled to see each other all the time (me to her more than her to me), and I continued to seek stimulus in everything I did. Play a sport rather than plan our weekend. Watch netflix rather than finish the work I need to do. Masturbate rather than looking forward to seeing her and exploring our passion. I lost interest, I lost novelty, I lost self-respect. I loved her so much, as a best friend. But I struggled to love her as the beautiful confident woman she was. And she struggled too. This broke her self-esteem. She tried everything. To make me interested. Aroused. To make me initiate. And I just...didn't.
I was depressed, I knew I was disappointing her. We went through the past two years, and we probably had sex maybe 15 times, if even. And I don't think I've finished from sex in two years. I finished from oral sex the first time we were even together, and now I can't even finish from regular sex. I probably fapped once a week over the past 2 years, so over 100 times, and I never showed this affection or interest to my girlfriend. She wanted us to move forward together. To move in together. To get married. To live a life. I wanted that too. But I couldn't break through myself. And now she's broken up with me.
I feel sad, alone, defeated, disgusting...I feel I deserve this. I'm 26 and I haven't ever taken accountability for my life. I travel, I have a job, work, friends, etc. I'm a blob. She's a surgeon. I miss when I could focus, learn, build myself over time, become a better me. I haven't set goals in years. And the consequences of that have been fatal.
This has to start now. I went two weeks about a month ago, but then got depressed two weeks ago and fapped again. And then once more two days ago. I have no excuses. I need to move forward. Otherwise everything in life is going to leave me behind. I need to stop being a bitch and take charge of myself and my life. This is real.
Help me on this journey, please.
submitted by scarlettbovine to NoFap [link] [comments]


2020.09.21 18:38 burninginfinite I am 31 years old, make $117,000, live in Northern VA (DC suburbs) and work as a Management Consultant

Content Warning: Dieting (intermittent fasting)

Section One: Assets and Debt

Section Two: Income

Section Three: Expenses

Day 1 (Sunday)

9:30 am : SO and Dog are still asleep, so I read in bed until SO wakes up. We have sex (Dog is not pleased) and then he gets up to work out while I keep reading. He basically bought a home gym when COVID started and at first he thought it might be a waste of money, but it’s actually proven to be a good purchase.
11:55 am: I’ve been intermittent fasting a bit to balance out my WFH snacking habits. I try not to eat before noon, but I’m starving, so I eat a small snack a few minutes early. Water our balcony plants, refill the bird feeder, then shower and perform my skin ritual. I scale this up or down depending on my plans for the day, but I have time and I was lazy last night, so I do all of it. I just added bakuchiol and I’m excited to see how it works. (Double cleanse with Hanskin Pore Cleansing Oil and CeraVe Facial Cleanser, then: Trader Joe’s Rose Water Toner, Amara Vitamin C Serum, TJ’s Hyaluronic Acid Serum, Handmade Heroes Bakuchiol Booster, TJ’s Eye Cream, Klairs Midnight Blue Calming Cream, and La Roche-Posay Anthelios 60 Ultra Light Sunscreen Fluid.)
1:00 pm: We have a Very Lazy Dog who never wants to take walks, but we drag him out before driving to meet a friend for a 1:30 brunch reservation. When we arrive, they’re behind and seem to have no idea when our patio table will be ready. My friend K brought her dog (yay!) but that means we can’t sit inside, so we have to wait. She’s a little shy and anxious (the dog, not K) but I brought her some treats, which she eats without hesitation.
1:55 pm: Finally seated! K’s pup keeps getting tangled under the table begging for more treats. K and I have drinks (SO doesn’t drink on Sundays so he has a soda) and we split some brussels sprouts as an appetizer. Avocado toast for K, a burger for SO, and avocado eggs benedict and two sweet potato pancakes for me (SO eats the potatoes that come with my benedict). We split the check, but SO takes mine before I have a chance to see it. He and I try to keep things relatively even, but we mostly just trust it’ll wash out in the end. He likes to pay when we go out but I usually buy the groceries. (We’re more disciplined about splitting big purchases.)
4:00 pm: Pit stop on the way home for SO to pick up more vape pods. He’s been planning to quit for a while, but his work has been super stressful lately and he keeps pushing his quit date back. I try not to get too annoyed about this – I know he’s trying and quitting sucks.
7:30 pm: I wake up from an ill-advised nap. We finish last night’s leftover sushi for dinner and watch the first Harry Potter movie. My friend Venmos me $163.71 to pay me back for a group purchase I placed a couple weeks ago and I immediately transfer it to my bank account.
10:00 pm: SO likes to be in bed by 9:30 and asleep by 10 because he gets up so early to work out, but I usually stay up later reading. Tonight, I actually have to catch up on some work that’s due first thing in the morning. Working in bed while SO and Dog snore next to me weirdly helps me focus (because I want to join them!).
3:45 am : That took longer than I thought it would! As I’m shutting down, I randomly remember a few things I need from Amazon. I’ve been trying to shop more responsibly, which means not using Amazon Prime. But a week ago I needed some stuff quickly and they offered me a monthlong free trial, so now I’m on an Amazon kick. I’ll cancel before the trial ends and then I won’t re-up for probably a year or so. I buy some mask brackets to try while working out, broom and mop grips for the utility closet door, some washcloths, and the next size up of a sweater I ordered and liked but was too small (I’ll return the other one this week). It takes a while to fall asleep (shouldn’t have napped earlier!). ($82.62)
Total: $82.62

Day 2 (Monday)

7:45 am : I wake up to the sound of SO ironing his shirt for work. He says he overslept (guess he missed his workout) and rushes out the door. I kiss him goodbye, get dressed, drink a glass of water, and log on to my computer. I check last night’s document one last time and email it to the client.
10:30 am: I take a break from work to pay my credit card bills, which are all due around the same time. ($1,100) I use a modified avalanche method – I make minimum payments rounded up to the next hundred, then I pay proportionally more toward higher interest balances. I know it’s not as cost effective but seeing significant progress toward all my balances is reassuring. I’ll make a second payment at the end of the month on my highest interest cards with however much money I have left over. Scrolling through Facebook, I see that the animal rescue where I got Dog is doing a fundraiser for vet bills for a sweet pup who needed emergency surgery. It makes me sad – I go snuggle Dog for a minute (who is still snoring in bed and is not happy about the forced snuggle time) and then make a donation. ($107.20)
12:30 pm: Made it to noon (and beyond) without eating! I was really hungry around 11:45 but then I got distracted, so here we are at 12:30. I microwave some leftover pork shoulder that I roasted last week and eat it with honey mustard. I have so much admiration for people who actually make meals for lunch. I mostly just cobble together whatever I have.
2:00 pm: While filling out this MD, I realize I can’t remember if I’ve paid the property tax on my car yet. I panic briefly because I can’t find the letter they sent, but then I remember I can look it up on the website and… I have not. Today is turning out to be expensive! ($110.22)
4:45 pm: Our engagement photoshoot is in a month and I’m starting to stress about what to wear. The COVID weight gain is so real (and I haven’t been working out like I used to). I buy an oversized sweater I’ve had my eye on that will hopefully be cute with skinny jeans (if any of them still fit me) and vow to return it if it’s not perfect. ($33.91) Then I walk the dog, who is just now getting out of bed and asking for attention.
6:45 pm: SO gets home! On Mondays I take a late workout class, so I get to see him before I leave. I toast an everything bagel and eat it with cream cheese while we chat about our days.
8:00 pm: Class! I asked one of the women in my class to make me two masks, which she brings me tonight, so I Venmo her $20.
9:45 pm: Get home from class completely wiped and am grateful to find that SO walked Dog before I got home so I can basically go straight to bed. (Dog never wants to go outside but he has yet to learn to use a litter box, so…) He’s asleep before I finish washing my face and I’m not far behind – out like a light by 10:30.
Total: $1,371.33, but at least most of it was bills.

Day 3 (Tuesday)

7:45 am : After hitting snooze once, I hop in the shower to wake up. Dog watches me do my skin routine from the bed, looking very annoyed that I’m up. SO texts me to walk the dog early because it feels like fall today, so I drag him outside after I’m finished with daily standup. This involves bringing the leash up two flights of stairs to leash him in bed before coaxing him down the stairs and out the door.
10:00 am: Our client has been migrating their document repository to a new system and there is evidently some confusion over who is supporting which migration effort. Everyone is calling all of the projects “System Migration,” so this honestly seemed inevitable. I spend a good chunk of my morning sorting this out so I can tell them confidently that we are not involved with the one they’re asking about. When I’m intermittent fasting, I routinely get hungry at 10am but I drink a glass of water and try to power through.
12:30 pm: Lunch! I heat up the rest of the pork and steam some veggies in the microwave. One of the most annoying things about SO is that he’s always craving delivery of some sort, even if I’ve planned a meal, so fresh produce often goes to waste in our house. I haven’t totally given up yet, but thank god for frozen veggies.
1:00 pm: I feel like this is going to sound like a ridiculous purchase, but here goes: SO’s favorite pen company is dropping a batch of limited release pens at 1pm (noon CT). I set an alarm and am refreshing the website repeatedly by 12:59 because SO has been coveting these pens for ages and last time they sold out in about 10 minutes. I have to start over when someone buys the pen I picked as I am checking out, but I manage to snag two– one as an anniversary gift for SO and one as a Christmas gift for my dad (anyone who knows me will tell you I really do start my Christmas shopping early – gifts and acts of service are my two big love languages). A few minutes later, the pens are all gone. ($403.86)
2:00 pm: We trained Dog not to rush the door when he hears the doorbell by giving him treats and now he RUNS to the treats whenever the doorbell rings, which it just did. I toss him a couple treats before retrieving the packages at our door. The sweater I ordered on Sunday is among them and although it fits better, I realize it’s too sheer, so I pack it up with the rest of my returns.
5:15 pm: I resolved to start Chloe Ting’s 2 week shred program today, but the 13 minute HIIT session leaves me totally wiped and feeling very out of shape. (Dog didn’t help – he was VERY in the way every time I got down for anything plank adjacent.) I skip the ab video and leave a little early to drop off my return at the UPS store before class.
8:00 pm: Out for drinks with two friends from class. It’s late to be eating but I also don’t want to drink on an empty stomach, so I order a wrap and take home the half I don’t eat. The fall cider I’m drinking is delicious. I order two crowlers (canned draft beer… well, cider) to take home. ($57.96)
Total: $461.82

Day 4 (Wednesday)

7:30 am: SO wakes up on the wrong side of the bed because he overslept again. I help him get out the door, walk the dog, then get on standup (I’ll shower after). I feel like I didn’t sleep well last night and my Whoop recovery score reflects this – only 31%.
11:00 am: My company closed one of its offices a while back when one of our big contracts ended, and they’re trying to get rid of all the furniture, which has been in storage ever since. I’ve been working at SO’s old kitchen table and a kitchen chair since we moved in May, so I drive the 30 minutes to the office to see what they have. It’s also really nice to see a bunch of my coworkers in person who I haven’t seen since COVID started or even before that. I wind up with an office chair, a mat to go under it, a whiteboard, and some assorted office supplies. The smallest desks they had were still too big for my home office (which is also our guest bedroom). Guess I still need to buy a desk after all. It’s 1:30 by the time I leave, so I stop by Panera for lunch on my way home: you-pick-two with half a chicken salad sandwich and a small broccoli cheddar mac and cheese. I also buy a lemon cookie for me and two chocolate chippers for SO (his favorite). $17.23
5:30 pm: SO texts that he’ll be home a little early! Dog will be thrilled (and me too, of course). I waffle about doing Chloe Ting Day 2 because I am extremely sore from class Monday and Tuesday, but I do the HIIT video and SO arrives home just in time to save me from doing the abs videos.
7:00 pm: I bake some chicken thighs brushed with TJ’s Honey Pale Ale Mustard and garlic and steam some veggies for dinner. SO doesn’t really like chicken, but he says this is good and has three pieces. Victory! I file this recipe away in my head. (I like to say he’s the pickiest adventurous eater in the world. He doesn’t like pasta/noodles, cheese, or chicken, but he loves the stuff that lots of picky eaters won’t eat: seafood, especially sushi, and all kinds of international cuisine. It’s nice having a partner who is always up for sushi night, but cheese boards and family style sides of mac and cheese are a challenge. I really hope our kids don’t decide to emulate his eating habits.) We walk the dog after dinner.
9:30 pm: Because my recovery last night was so bad, I resolve to go to bed at the same time as SO tonight… but he’s still asleep by the time I finish my evening skincare routine. In bed by 10.
Total: $17.23

Day 5 (Thursday)

7:45 am: I hit the snooze once because our neighbors woke us up around 1:30 blasting music and I didn’t fall back asleep for almost an hour. Still, I feel fairly well rested and my Whoop recovery is 83% (yay!). Do my morning skincare, drink some water, get online for daily standup, and I’m greeted with the news that my return has processed, putting $140.57 back on my card. (I’ll count this as a $25.43 credit for this week since one item I returned was the sweater I bought Sunday – the rest was from earlier purchases.)
10:00 am: It’s a light morning, so between emails, I spend some time bringing my new office furniture upstairs and organizing my desk area, then browse Ikea for a new desk. A new desk would also be motivation to finally unpack the last of the boxes, which all live in my office (the other rooms of the house are pretty much unpacked).
12:00 pm: Lunch! The half wrap from Tuesday night is a little soggy but still good. I eat that and then wander down to the garage to scrounge up the second half of my lunch from our deep freezer. Half of the freezer is my lunch stash – things I love but SO won’t eat. Pierogies sound delicious but I don’t have the patience to cook them right now. Instead I grab a box of TJ’s butter chicken and pop it in the microwave; I’ll mix in last night’s leftover veggies. While I wait for that to heat up, I mix some yogurt with salt and set it in a strainer to make labneh, then grab a resistance band and do some lateral band walks across the living room – my knee has been acting up lately mostly because I have weak, lazy glutes. The smell of food finally gets Dog out of bed, so I eat at my computer and then take him for a walk.
2:30 pm: My 2pm meeting ended very early and I have packages! My Soko Glam order from last week is here with some sheet masks, a new serum, and a pore control mask (my mascne has been horrible since I’ve been wearing a mask to work out lately). The sweater I ordered Monday also arrives. I try it on and like it, but I can’t decide if it’s too baggy. I snap a selfie to send to some friends for second and third opinions about whether I need to size down.
5:00 pm: I enter one of those “win a wedding dress” sweepstakes. I normally never enter these, but since I’ve been wedding planning I’ve been entering them like crazy. I know the chances of winning are so slim, but still. I briefly consider a Chloe Ting workout (I really should) but since I have class soon, I skip it.
8:00 pm: Done with class! I’ve been on a hunt for the best masks to wear while working out (that don’t make me feel like I can’t breathe). The studio owner makes the best ones I’ve found yet. I buy 3 for $40 from him. I pick up Chipotle (SO ordered ahead) and stop for gas on the way home. ($23.50) We eat while watching Space Force (a burrito for him, a burrito bowl for me, half of which becomes my lunch for tomorrow). Steve Carell’s character is just a different version of Michael Scott, but it’s mindlessly entertaining. Dog has to be dragged outside for a walk because it’s raining.
9:30 pm: I shower and do the Acsen pore control mask that arrived today. It’s a little tingly and smells really nice. Finish up my skincare and sleep nice and early again – I’m out by 10:30.
Total: Net $38.07 ($63.50 with a $25.43 credit)

Day 6 (Friday)

7:00 am: I wake up early today. SO is out the door before 7:30 and Friday standups aren’t until 9, so I squeeze in the HIIT video, then join an 8am stretching class my friend teaches on Zoom (this is “paid” for by my staff membership at the studio).
11:45 am: It was a very productive morning and now I’m ravenous. I start scrounging up lunch so I can eat right at noon before another meeting marathon begins at 12:30 which will last until 5. Leftover Chipotle and pita bread with labneh with olive oil and za’atar.
4:45 pm: Finally done (a little bit early)! I have a small bowl of ice cream as a Friday reward and watch a little Netflix. SO said he was going to try to leave an hour early from work today, but my money is on him leaving like 5 minutes early.
5:50 pm: I take Dog for a walk (he has literally been sleeping all day and hasn’t made so much as a peep). SO texts that he’s going to be late because of some last second drama at work. Sigh. Well, I guess now I have no excuse not to do some Chloe Ting. I do an ab video and a lower body video.
7:30 pm: SO gets home and immediately announces he’s going to work out, but sprawls on the bed with Dog for a while before getting a move on. I’m a little annoyed because I was looking forward to having dinner and spending some time with him, but his workouts usually take about 1.5 hours, so that would put dinner at probably close to 10pm (way too late for me, even if I wasn’t intermittent fasting – I don’t know how he eats a full meal and then goes straight to bed). Honestly, lately I feel like we aren’t spending much quality time together (scrolling on our phones next to each other doesn’t count) and every time I suggest an activity, he just wants to watch TV instead. I also get the news about RBG passing away and now I’m just extra sad. I watch a movie in bed and am half asleep by the time SO finishes his workout and comes upstairs.
Total: $0

Day 7 (Saturday)

8:45 am: Alarm goes off. I take 2 classes on Saturday mornings, so I roll out of bed and start getting ready, but SO derails me wanting to talk about last night, and we have it out. I struggle to explain that it’s not that I don’t want him to work out or that I don’t support his goals – it’s just that I would like him to prioritize me and our relationship at least as much as he does his workouts. We end at a bit of an impasse (with me crying, because I cry at everything) and instead of going to class, I take a drive to calm down. Driving up and down the GW Parkway with the windows down always makes me feel better.
11:30 am: I buy SO Starbucks as a peace offering and head home. ($6.05) When I get there, SO apologizes and promises to make more of an effort to do things with me that aren’t just laying on the couch watching TV. He suggests that we go out for a late lunch/early dinner and do a little day drinking, and that we can have a zoo outing tomorrow (plus he’ll work out while I hit the studio for class).
2:00 pm: After our respective workouts, we both shower and then walk the dog together. Then we go to the restaurant across the street, walking to take advantage of the good weather (and so we can both drink). We sit outside and split calamari and a dozen oysters. I have a steak salad with peaches and gorgonzola, and SO orders crab cakes. We each have two drinks and I take dessert to go (SO does not share my sweet tooth!). The check is around $170 (pre-tip); SO pays and we walk home.
7:00 pm: We watch a movie on the couch and keep drinking. I’m excited to crack open the cider I brought home the other day. After the movie, we take Dog out for a quick walk and then head to bed. Before going to sleep, I make a $107 donation in honor of RBG to be split between several Senate campaigns.
Total: $113.05

Weekly Total: $2084.12

Food & Drink: $81.24
Fun & Entertainment: $0
Home & Health: $117.19 (I’m counting masks here)
Clothes & Beauty: $33.91 (Net – $25.43 bought and returned)
Transport: $23.50
Other: $1,828.28

Weekly Reflection

All in all, I feel like I did ok this week. I spent more money this week than I expected – that being said, looking at how much of this week’s spending was in bills and donations, I’m not too upset about it. The pens were an unexpected and big expense, but I was going to have to buy those gifts eventually, so again, not too upset about it. (The cost is probably in line with what I’d normally spend on an anniversary gift for SO. The pen for my dad was a little more expensive than what I’d normally buy for him, but I know it will be a special gift.) Going out has also been an uncommon occurrence lately, but it felt good to be social again, and I would much rather spend money on going out and spending time with people than spend excessively on stuff.
I’m definitely a spender, which (as you can see) has gotten me in trouble in the past. I’ve been doing better lately and I’m also very good about returning things that don’t work out, especially now that COVID has increased my proportion of online shopping vs. in person. This week was also a little unusual because we didn’t buy groceries and SO picked up the bill every time we went out. (For reference, we went grocery shopping on Day 8, which I paid for. That came out to about $200 between Costco and the supermarket and will last us about two weeks – we buy in bulk when it makes sense and freeze what we won’t use immediately. That bill is on the low side because we just restocked the freezer within the last month.)
I guess one thing I’ve thought about a lot while doing this MD has been how SO and I split expenses. I personally think it’s pretty fair – he might spend a little more than I do in the end, but he is also the one who always wants to order delivery, so I don’t feel too badly about that. I realize this week wasn’t a great snapshot for demonstrating an even split, but I’m curious to know how it came off to you all as readers and your thoughts on splitting expenses with an SO without having to split every bill right down the middle and Venmoing each other all the time (there’s nothing wrong with that, of course, but it’s not how we work).
submitted by burninginfinite to MoneyDiariesACTIVE [link] [comments]


2020.09.21 16:53 xLUSHxx My first gaming pc

What will you be doing with this PC? Be as specific as possible, and include specific games or programs you will be using.
What is your maximum budget before rebates/shipping/taxes?
When do you plan on building/buying the PC? Note: beyond a week or two from today means any build you receive will be out of date when you want to buy.
What, exactly, do you need included in the budget? (ToweOS/monitokeyboard/mouse/etc)
Which country (and state/province) will you be purchasing the parts in? If you're in US, do you have access to a Microcenter location?
If reusing any parts (including monitor(s)/keyboard/mouse/etc), what parts will you be reusing? Brands and models are appreciated.
Will you be overclocking? If yes, are you interested in overclocking right away, or down the line? CPU and/or GPU?
Are there any specific features or items you want/need in the build? (ex: SSD, large amount of storage or a RAID setup, CUDA or OpenCL support, etc)
Do you have any specific case preferences (Size like ITX/microATX/mid-towefull-tower, styles, colors, window or not, LED lighting, etc), or a particular color theme preference for the components?
Do you need a copy of Windows included in the budget? If you do need one included, do you have a preference?
submitted by xLUSHxx to buildmeapc [link] [comments]


2020.09.21 16:44 xLUSHxx My first gaming pc

What will you be doing with this PC? Be as specific as possible, and include specific games or programs you will be using.
What is your maximum budget before rebates/shipping/taxes?
When do you plan on building/buying the PC? Note: beyond a week or two from today means any build you receive will be out of date when you want to buy.
What, exactly, do you need included in the budget? (ToweOS/monitokeyboard/mouse/etc)
Which country (and state/province) will you be purchasing the parts in? If you're in US, do you have access to a Microcenter location?
If reusing any parts (including monitor(s)/keyboard/mouse/etc), what parts will you be reusing? Brands and models are appreciated.
Will you be overclocking? If yes, are you interested in overclocking right away, or down the line? CPU and/or GPU?
Are there any specific features or items you want/need in the build? (ex: SSD, large amount of storage or a RAID setup, CUDA or OpenCL support, etc)
Do you have any specific case preferences (Size like ITX/microATX/mid-towefull-tower, styles, colors, window or not, LED lighting, etc), or a particular color theme preference for the components?
Do you need a copy of Windows included in the budget? If you do need one included, do you have a preference?
submitted by xLUSHxx to buildapcforme [link] [comments]


2020.09.21 11:00 anonbpdbi-tch Matched with an ex and they’ve changed

Hey guys, not sure what thread to post on but figured here was as good a place as any.
I recently re-matched with an ex on tinder. We broke up due to the fact they had just moved/started a new job and couldn’t handle a relationship at the time. It’s been a few months, they’ve since had a girlfriend and broken up with them.
I’ve recently matched them on tinder again. And they seem completely different. This girlfriend apparently really broke him, in the sense he isn’t open and doesn’t want anything past a physical relationship right now as he is too guarded (according to himself). He has confessed to not wanting dates, won’t accept going out for coffee or anything but would rather “Netflix and chill”. I on the other hand am ready for a relationship and want to be going on dates with someone.
I still care about him deeply, but I’m not sure if it’s worth trying to wait out this ‘guarded’ stage his health... hoping for some outside opinions on the situation.
submitted by anonbpdbi-tch to relationship_advice [link] [comments]


2020.09.21 09:56 ineededabackup Nearly two years of up and down but very frequent FWB-type situation, I find out he has likely been with his supposed long-term ex much of if not all of the time. Should I tell her? Should I tell him I know? Advice or thoughts welcome, I am trying to get this right and ready to end things.

I (34F) have been seeing a guy (37M) casually but fairly consistently since December 2018 when he picked me up outside a club and was very persistent in getting together and progressing things physically and with frequency from there. He's an actomodel. I wasn't ready to jump into anything quickly, and he just seemed to want to stay in and blaze together, talk for hours, and you know, get it on real good, but didn't ever want to take me out. I ended up pausing things with him and dating another guy briefly who was taking me out and seemed to be more serious and ready. He said he wished he'd progressed things with me, and to let him know if I wanted to grab a drink sometime.
The guy I decided to see instead wasn't right for me and and I messaged him a few weeks later. He was just getting off a plane, back from his hometown, and said he would be at my place in 30. We hooked up constantly all summer, and I was starting to develop feelings. Then, last September just as I was thinking of asking him where he was at with things, because we were seeing each other so much (4 nights a week easily) some weird stuff went down with one of my closest friends he bumped into fooled into thinking knew him from back home (he'd seen her picture but not met her, gave her a different version of his name), and he said it was his way of showing me we want different things. I was so ready to move on, but he kept texting me, wanting to spend time together, insisting nothing happened because he never actually pursued her after texting with her until 3am. He convinced me that he was into me, but said that things are "complicated." I thought it was a career thing, wanting to keep his options open for charming his way to success, or pick up hot models if he felt like it, not ready to settle down. We've been off and on constantly since then, and when we were on, it would be hanging and talking, watching tv and listening to music late at night, then crazy good sex - once and a while a quick booty call, but usually we'd spend time together. Whenever I tried to end things with him, he's be texting me within the week, as if nothing had happened. I'd wondered if he was still in love with his ex of over 5 years, because I noticed a vacation photo book on his shelf, and that she and her sister were still on his Netflix. I've never been under the impression we were exclusive (I've seen other people too briefly but nothing serious enough to continue), except for in early Covid days when he said he wanted to be COVID-exclusive basically, and I asked if he was on this level with anyone else, to which he said he was definitely not and laughed. I was worried about getting attached to someone who I didn't think was realistic long term, but available, familiar, hot, hot hot chemistry... and things went well until he sounded suspicious of my social distancing (I'd been to a very small birthday party on my friend's building lawn, and hung out with my friend in my circle. Allergy season was kicking into high gear too, which puts him flat out, and racial tensions were on the rise (this was around Cinco de Mayo; he is black). He suddenly bailed on me when we had plans, and things broke down fully a few days later - he ended up calling me a dumb bitch, saying my crew is trash, and that me and my friend were racially profiling him by assuming he is a player.. it was a full on dumpster fire and the next day he was trying to message me, on messages and WhatsApp, saying that the name calling had gone a bit far, but it got me where I needed to be, that I would find a great guy who treats me right, and that it was fun while it lasted. And then again claimed to have never been interested in my friend.
I let things sit for almost two months, but I hated how badly we left things. It didn't fit with who I thought he was at all. I texted him and said I didn't like how we had left things, and that I'd like an opportunity to clear some things up on my end, and it would be great if he could do the same. He responded later that night "what's there to talk about" and "I'm not much of a talker"...come over and blaze. I didn't sleep with him but he tried. Again the next week he texted to blaze, and I didn't want to have this conversation late, inebriated. He told me this though - he said he was really really attracted to me, but we don't have a future. I asked why and he said we are on different levels, and again, I asked what he meant, and he said I was too traditional. Whatever that means. We have been hanging out a few nights a week since then, and have been fooling round, but I've drawn the line at no penetration until we sat down and talked about shit in depth, but he has certainly tried. He's trying to come over during the day, after work now. We've often hung out very late There is other weird stuff with my friends he has connected with, totally coincidental and disconnected from me , and I am just mentioning this for further context. Fast forward to last weekend, I see him in what appears to be a couples trip instagram photo from a surf trip he went on a couple weeks ago (he was texting me while he was there). I don't recognize a few of the people, including the girl standing next to him, but I assume she is with the man with the baby behind her. Wrong. Upon further investigation, the man/baby are with the woman on the edge with the dog. I look more closely and see she looks a bit like his ex. Then I compare.. yup.. could be her, hard to tell with sunglasses. One of my best gfs I was texting with confirmed. Fast forward to today. My friend requested to follow her from her not art/photography account on instagram, and she accepted. Pictures of them together last month, and then month before. He was back home for her graduation last June, and they were together, and we were definitely on then. It looks like he moved here while she was still finishing her undergrad, and moved here last September for grad school, and that's when things got weird here. Makes sense now. Maybe they were broken up when we met, but they were on again pretty quick.
I wasn't expecting him to be exclusive (aside from early COVID, and wanted to talk about now, because he is high risk and I've been respecting that) but I definitely wasn't expecting to find out that I am essentially the other woman, I was expecting a new girl or side girl. And this is a long time.. almost two years now. I am not sure what to do - if I were her, I would want to know that my boyfriend was up to these antics (have friend who has been in similar situation who is firm on this currently). But is that my ego wanting to sabotage things for him, retaliation? Now the waste of time is very clear to me and obviously I'm a bit burnt (yeah yeah, I could see this coming a mile away but this chemistry and connection and mysteriousness was something else, I have not been able to let go). This would seriously mess up his life. I don't know how he will react. I am tempted to message her directly, perhaps anonymously. I am tempted to ask him if he is seeing anyone else, or confront him about this and other stuff too. I am wondering if I should just surrender it and let it go. Walk away. Block him. Tonight he has been messaging me about a desk he got and thinks I should get.

TL;DR: I just found out the guy I've been hanging out very casually with/FWB but developed feelings for and have generally seen a few times a week for nearly two years has been with his "ex girlfriend" for the majority of the time, if not all of it. They may have done long distance, or they may have broken up briefly, but he's been pursuing hooking up with me the entire time. If she was a random, new girl, this would be different, but I think she deserves to know the truth, given how invested (around 6 years?) she is in it. But am I just hurting people, and putting myself in a bad situation where he could be unpredictable, and unnecessary to involve myself in energetically? Is my desire to tell him off and show him I have the power just going to trip me up?
submitted by ineededabackup to relationships [link] [comments]


2020.09.21 02:31 XoGossipgoat94 I’m (25F) in love with my ex (26M)I cheated on.

I guess I should start with a little back story. I’ll keep it as uncomplicated as possible. I was in an abusive relationship before I started dating Nathan, and at the very beginning of the relationship I slept with the abusive ex and never told him about it(don’t ask me why, im still trying to figure that out. I am a cowardly piece of shit and hate myself for it) The abusive ex decided to send Nathan pictures of us sleeping together along with fake sexual messages I had sent to him(I don’t know why he did that but I never msged him like that during the relationship and don’t understand to this day where those msgs came from). Of course he broke up with me because why wouldn’t he, I didn’t tell him the msgs were fake, what was the point? I completely broke his heart/trust and probably didn’t deserve him in the first place, we didn’t talk for over two years.
But around Christmas this year we started hanging in the same friendship circles again and I finally managed to apologise to him on New Years even for everything and he forgave me and insanely enough attempted to apologise for breaking up with me via text msg and said he wished he never had, I told him that is ridiculous and if anything he was nice about it. We were high and ending up cuddling for the rest of the night. For the last 9 months We have been talking almost everyday via text, sometimes just about what we’ve had for dinner or how work is going that day and he’ll come over some nights to just hang out and watch dumb things on Netflix with me. It’s almost like we are in a relationship again but without the cuddling and sex and I don’t know how to approach the subject. What if it freaks him out and I lose him again, having him in my life even if it’s just as a friend is probably the best things that’s happened to me in a long time and I’m terrified to risk it but I also know that I will probably be in love with him for the rest of his life and it might be worth the risk.
I don’t even know how writing this will even help but maybe just saying it “out loud” will give me some courage.
submitted by XoGossipgoat94 to TrueOffMyChest [link] [comments]


2020.09.20 23:42 10makun My Macbook is about to give up! First PC! Budget friendly Please!

What will you be doing with this PC? Be as specific as possible, and include specific games or programs you will be using.
What is your maximum budget before rebates/shipping/taxes?
When do you plan on building/buying the PC? Note: beyond a week or two from today means any build you receive will be out of date when you want to buy.
What, exactly, do you need included in the budget? (ToweOS/monitokeyboard/mouse/etc)
Which country (and state/province) will you be purchasing the parts in? If you're in US, do you have access to a Microcenter location?
If reusing any parts (including monitor(s)/keyboard/mouse/etc), what parts will you be reusing? Brands and models are appreciated.
Are there any specific features or items you want/need in the build? (ex: SSD, large amount of storage or a RAID setup, CUDA or OpenCL support, etc)
Do you have any specific case preferences (Size like ITX/microATX/mid-towefull-tower, styles, colors, window or not, LED lighting, etc), or a particular color theme preference for the components?
Do you need a copy of Windows included in the budget? If you do need one included, do you have a preference?
Extra info or particulars:
submitted by 10makun to buildapcforme [link] [comments]


2020.09.20 20:02 dff131 Just graduated medical school, so I thought I would treat myself to a decent gaming PC

  1. >**What will you be doing with this PC? Be as specific as possible, and include specific games or programs you will be using.**
  2. I will mainly be building this computer for watching youtube, netflix, ect but mainly for playing videos games on high settings (does not need to be max settings). Right now I play cod, league of legends and borderlands. I would like to play games at higher FPS rates.
  3. >**What is your maximum budget before rebates/shipping/taxes?**
  4. 1300-2000 canadian
  5. >**When do you plan on building/buying the PC? Note: beyond a week or two from today means any build you receive will be out of date when you want to buy.**
  6. Within the next month
  7. >**What, exactly, do you need included in the budget? (ToweOS/monitokeyboard/mouse/etc\)**
  8. everything including monitor
  9. >**Which country (and state/province) will you be purchasing the parts in? If you're in US, do you have access to a Microcenter location?**
  10. Canada
  11. >**If reusing any parts (including monitor(s)/keyboard/mouse/etc), what parts will you be reusing? Brands and models are appreciated.**
  12. None.
  13. >**Will you be overclocking? If yes, are you interested in overclocking right away, or down the line? CPU and/or GPU?**
  14. Nope.
  15. >**Are there any specific features or items you want/need in the build? (ex: SSD, large amount of storage or a RAID setup, CUDA or OpenCL support, etc)**
  16. I prefer SSD, maybe with an addition HDD so extra storage
  17. >**Do you have any specific case preferences (Size like ITX/microATX/mid-towefull-tower, styles, colors, window or not, LED lighting, etc), or a particular color theme preference for the components?**
  18. Nope.
  19. >**Do you need a copy of Windows included in the budget? If you do need one included, do you have a preference?**
  20. No it does not need to be included
submitted by dff131 to buildapcforme [link] [comments]


2020.09.20 17:36 AffectionateCup1133 His parents don't like me

I (25f) have been dating a guy(24m) from almost a year now. He told me that his parents don’t like me because I am a bit overweight, and pretty much this is why he is not spending more time with me. I asked if they liked his previous girlfriend and he said they didn’t like her either. He is living with his parents and I live alone in the same city.
During lockdown he stayed with them and I was alone, so I thought during the summer he will spend more time with me.
He spend almost every weekend with them, at home or at his grandparents. He is not even going out with his friends. He comes at my place during the week, but we work from home and we don’t have too much energy or time to do much in the evening, so we only go to a small near park or Netflix.
His mother has some health problems and we don’t go out in restaurants and we didn't have a proper vacation( only a few days at my parent house in the country side). Due to this, I also didn't make vacation plans with my friends and I only went out with them in the park. But he is not spending too much time with me. I asked him to stay a week at my place, but he refused saying "he also needs to spend time with his parents", so going on vacation and then "quarantine" with me for 2 weeks before going home was out of question.
On his birthday, they make a "BBQ" for him, but I was not invited. I was at his place twice before lockdown, and his parents were very cold with me.
He had a few days off during summer to go fishing with his dad and I asked him to come at my place a day after he returned, but he said he needs to spend some time with his mother before coming(3 days to be exact).
I am not sure how to react to this, I mean I didn't do anything bad to them.
I am also frustrated because I had a very good relationship with my ex's family and, I love the feeling of having 2 families to care for you. Now, it is very sad to think that I will never be a part of his family for real.
I am not asking him to leave his parents or something, because I know they are very important to him and, also because I think it is important to have a good relation with your family, but I don’t know how to manage this situation.
Sorry for my English, not native.
What do you advice?
TL;DR: His parents don't like me and I think this is why he is not spending too much time with me.
submitted by AffectionateCup1133 to relationship_advice [link] [comments]


2020.09.20 16:24 tacotekitech I'm a monogamous lesbian (f 23) and I caught my bisexual girlfriend (f 24) in bed with her ex-boyfriend.

This happened about a year ago but until now it still bothers me every time I remember it so I'm gonna post it here.
(TLDR: I caught my ex girlfriend having sex with her supposed "ex-boyfriend" in her apartment and she told me that despite being bisexual, she couldn't imagine herself having a family with a woman in the end because her religious beliefs consider the LGBT+ as abominations.)
Background story: I was in a monogamous relationship with my now ex-girlfriend. I thought things were going great for us. Her and I are both in Medical school, we've never even had any serious fights at all, and we find time to go on dates despite our hectic schedule. We were together for about one year and a half before the incident last year.
So, what happened? About a year ago, I decided to surprise visit her at her apartment. I brought takeout food and drinks, just so we can watch Netflix and have dinner after a busy week with exams. I didn't tell her beforehand that I was coming (obviously it was a surprise), so I went ahead to her room at the apartment because she also gave me my own set of keys so that I can just come in anytime.
When I opened the door, the first thing I heard were noises coming from her bedroom. You already know what's next: She was having sex with her ex-boyfriend in her bedroom.
When I caught them in the act, they immediately stopped and I don't want to get into the details of what happened at that time but basically, she kept apologizing and her supposed "ex-boyfriend" kept telling her to just tell me the truth about them already. It was very messy.
It turns out they've been fucking and seeing each other for months already behind my back.
I didn't have the guts to stay and listen to any more of her excuses, so I left her apartment and went back home. I needed to process what just happened and it was extremely overwhelming seeing my girlfriend doing it with another guy.
I locked myself inside my room for hours and I could barely even function. I remember just crying and breaking down while laying in bed, unable to make sense of things. She kept sending me texts and I couldn't force myself to read them let alone even have the energy to open my phone.
When I finally had the energy to do so, I read her messages.
It consisted of long paragraphs explaining what happened but basically she told me that she developed feelings for her ex-boyfriend... again (they were together for 4 years before they broke up) and decided to rekindle their relationship after he asked her out on a date again.
I was deeply fucking hurt reading all that but what's even worse is the next set of paragraphs that I received.
She stated in her texts that she knew right from the start that she could never imagine herself ending up with a woman in the future (despite being bisexual) because it's against the Bible. My ex-gf comes from a very religious Catholic family and her parents are the typical homophobic conservatives. We've kept our relationship low-key because of that and when we were together, she told me that she was planning to come out to them once we graduate from Med school.
But I guess it was all a lie from the start.
Idk which is worse: having caught my ex girlfriend having sex with her ex-boyfriend? Or being degraded as nothing but a sinful abomination by her?
I'm was in such a mess and it was one of the darkest days of my life. I'm letting this out here on Reddit because I don't have friends in real life whom I can talk to about this because my relationship with her was very lowkey.
We live in the Philippines and from where I'm from, LGBT+ relationships are looked down upon by a majority of the people here, especially the religious boomers - so relationships like ours tend to be kept secret because society deems it as "sinful". It's so hard to find like-minded LGBTQ+ people who are open to talking about this with me in real life.
Anyways, that was my story. Thank you for reading it this far. I just needed an outlet to let out my feelings and tell my story because it's been a year already but I still keep having nightmares about what happened.
submitted by tacotekitech to survivinginfidelity [link] [comments]


2020.09.20 15:36 isenutc Been lonely all year. Lost my job and girlfriend. Small town covid problems.

I lost my job and girlfriend around April this year.
My girlfriend was my best friend and I don't have any other friends or really know anyone. I live with my family in a very small town that is 90% children or old people.
Very very difficult to get out and do anything since covid has shut down all the places in my town and anywhere nearby.
I have no pets either so I basically spend all my time playing video games or watching Netflix shows.
My family say that since there is no way to make friends the only way is by using a dating website but I am 100% not ready to date and won't be for a very very long time since I am still not over my ex girlfriend.
I do things with my family like go for walks and watch films together but it isn't quite as fun or fulfilling as doing something with a friend or partner.
Not really sure where I go from here - I've also tried meet up apps but they're generally shut down due to covid or they're all sport based which is not my thing as I've never enjoyed or been good at sports.
I think I'm ever slightly losing my mind as I will have full blown conversations with myself since I forget what it's like to do that with someone
Here's to 2021 lol
submitted by isenutc to lonely [link] [comments]


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